Poetry Forum

This is certainly thought provoking and (I may be barking up entirely the wrong tree here) hugely ambitious. I see it as a sort of koan and speaking as a humble initiate I would have to begin by confessing perplexity. I have done my wabi-sabi research and although much is familiar, there is this ins...

Quite good ('quite' in the sense of 'very'). I was thinking of life first emerging from the sea, and then this metaphor of refugees, who from their perspective are risking all, taking on death and miraculously (if they're lucky) emerging from the water. (Just another 54 rescued from the Med - a tiny...

Second bite: There are some puzzles in this wonderful piece which may well have been thrown to us as wabi-sabi-style bones to chew on . . . Perhaps I can persuade the poet to give us a close reading of at least L4 by spilling my own version of what I think is going on. So . . . both an exposition of...

Idiotic Conservative Prime Ministers Incisors Canines Premolars Molars Five grinning death's-heads On a green gummy hill From Heath to Thatcher One goofer, three biters From Major to minor Both grey pretenders Then blind mole Cameron Crushing down, clinging on Till wisdoms uprooted We slump in May's...

Brilliant. I feel as if I've been dropped into the sea in the middle of the night. Is there a sci-fi edge to this? First two stanzas near perfect. I agree that personifying the sky feels a little too poeticized. The N is waxing lyrical in dire circumstances which defines this whole piece, but a deli...

This new version feels like a completely different poem with some wonderful things in it (I will never hear anyone say they 'need space' without wondering how much leeway dark energy will give them) but I feel drawn back to the original. I was a fan of 'One thing is certain' . . . it seems like the ...

Hi Sheila, I like this, especially the rhythm and flow of it. It almost feels as if it's conjuring the spirit of this woman, spinning to a halt on the word 'defiant'. And no problem deciphering the meaning without your explanation. My only quibble would be the last line . . . the rhythm feels slight...

now their taps are bare
uncloaked messages spilling
from my crystal set

Hello Ian, a fine winter's seminar. Bleak and sorrowful but redeemed by the intricate workmanship and maybe a hint of dour comedy : the lemon- pencil - sheep improvised progression and possibly the use of that word 'chipped' - right or wrong I can't make my mind up, it adds a kind of absurd spark. S...

Hi Ros, this piece has stuck in my mind for the last three weeks . . . I would love to see it eventually take flight! My one hunch for developing it is to somehow clarify that matter and energy are essentially the same stuff. (L6 is where it falters). -That was the key confusion that threw me (at fi...

Chuffed you took my advice! . . .Yes, it has a sort of luminosity now. . . . Troubled by the 'thee' though, much as it chimes with the 'these' , I think the connection back to the 'you' of the title works better. As for 4-6 year olds, they are a tough audience . . . if you can please them you are on...

Hello Not, forgive me for throwing in my ha'porth at such a late date, but I really love this and am not surprised it has attracted so much comment. Simplicity and a dangerous ambiguity are its great strengths. The form to me is that of a riddle . . . deliciously it announces its answer in the first...

Hi Crayon, - a nice coiled spring of a sentence . . . somewhere between Dylan Thomas and Raymond Chandler(?) . . . and yes it does whet the appetite for more. The hard serviceable adjectives work fine for me, a perfect setting for that fox-fuck diamond. The last line feels a bit loose though. Julian

Between the freshly cooked books of the past and the imminently ironic ingredients of the future may I present myself AKA 'Julian', hoping to learn at least one new spell from your more than half excellent workshop and discussion forums.