Poetry Forum

Barrie, the unfolding of the sand. Glad it's clear now. I think David makes a good point about the title and I believe if I change it back to its original, the "pipers" confusion will disappear. Much thanks for returning. David, you nailed what bothered me and that's what good feedback doe...

Barrie since I'm new here and all of this including the story of the wolf is fresh to me, I can offer that blending the two stories is very effective. The only small nit I have is this: [also] released its bite on life I think the reader understands that both the subject and the wolf lost their bite...

I can imagine that the scent of the ocean is different at various times of the day. Perhaps a reflection of the sun's intensity and its impact on marinelife. Not sure but I like the idea of it. The title of the poem was originally called "Sandpipers" so the pipers refer to that. Without th...

Thank you Stu for dropping by with your comment. Much appreciated.

E

Dear Kimberly,

Please take note that I had already posted two lengthy critiques. One on Lia's poem entitled Red and the other on Cam's poem Revised.

Kind thanks.

E

Sandpipers At this hour, the pipers are silhouettes, their legs skittering twigs. My sister, with her dancer’s limbs, kneels with a camera, secures their dark bodies in her lens. When the tide creeps toward them they sprint to their meal, a thin allegro of limbs. Whose visions are these? Dim stage l...

May I be so bold as to say I like your gratefulness? I really do like that line, and in fact felt this internal wave of resonance when I read it. Something in this line of the boulders being low and polished and grateful reflects on the nature of simplicity and how nature needs nothing to be satisfi...

I like "push" if you do. The sun pushes is quite unusual.

Thank you for the welcome.

Hi Ben, There is much that I like about this poem. The reader is brought into the urban moment; a modern wasteland many of us can relate to. My main comments on this work are the use of modifiers. I believe that with some paring down, the nouns are strong enough on their own to register in the reade...

Dear Lia, I’ve read this splendid work several times and the supportive crits in the thread. I’m looking at this from an emotional time line and of course, how the scenes play out could be altered to suit any number of beginnings and endings. It’s interesting to play with them. If you choose to plac...