Poetry Forum

Forgot to mention those stanza breaks. I agree. Some of the end rhymes are a stretch anyway I think, to my ear, so you would gain more than you'd lose in adjusting. Still really rolling with this one though. You recently responded to one of my poems by saying you feel like packing in writing. Much a...

I think it's probably kunai grass, which I use later, hence my problem.
Thinking on. Great notes, thanks.

B.

Confused by both the first and last line. The start is a bit abrupt, an effect I do often like, but here it bumps me out for some reason. And the last line, rose reads like an extension of the feast idea, which is odd. Probably just me. The layers also jarred for me, but it seemed obvious the repeti...

How about palm trees instead?

Beautifully done Mr Bones. The metaphor holds together well all the way down. It's quite a leap you're asking the reader to make too, but it rewards the imagination. Only nit for me is right at the start: "First things" - is that a typo?

Fine work.

B.

Thanks JJ.

Replaced the heather with landscapes for now until I finish my degree in South Pacific botany and can offer something more specific.

B.

I've just been informed that Guadalcanal does not have heather. Huh.

B.

I'm confused about the whole sonnet discussion. This is not a sonnet. Not even close.
Good poem. Not a sonnet.


B.

Yes, I concede, breathing takes precedence over position , --- an em dash or colon maybe, instead of the comma? that is one of your constants. I saw a documentary once --- personally I'd prefer "once saw", but that could just be how I speak. about a man who'd been released after serving ti...

The Thin Red Line is the only English language film of the last 25 years that I'd put on my personal list of all time greats. (Three Colours: Blue, City of God and Pan's Labyrinth are the others)

Thanks for all the engagement. Now go and watch the film, all of you. Philistines.



B.

1 mod plus 1 norm = :consider:

It's a fairly well known image from the film, for those who know the film.

B.

Btw Ray, wot's Ah Grasshopper? Is it Kung fu?

B.

Shame on both of you for not knowing what the title referred to. See me after school. :roll: Thanks muchly both of yer. Hadn't anticipated either of your responses actually, feeling it was pretty straight forward stuff. Hmmm. Glad you got there with the help of a The Big G Suzanne, but also saddens ...

An epigraph perhaps? It doesn't seem a very Ray thing to do, but variety, spice, etc.

Still enjoying this.

B.

cooly - typo

Stunning. Right up there with your best I think Suzanne. Will return with a more critical eye and ear (particularly regards punctuation), but for now: Bravo.

B.

Well, I kinda like clocks. But maybe spots, or simply sees? Notes definitely feels wrong to me. Children don't note.

B.

Just remembered the Sestina Workshop we attempted a while back. http://www.poetsgraves.co.uk/forum/viewtopic.php?f=42&t=14327&p=113394&hilit=Sestina+workshop#p113394 It ended up a car wreck because of trolls we had at that time, but I wonder if something like this isn't worth trying agai...

Cheers me peers.
Took a shot with scream. I guess it could be argued it's off key. May well change that after all Ray. Thinking on...

B.

Insufficient interest it seems. People can of course still nominate for features. And do, on occasion, when in the mood. In passing, I am not sure I see why there needs to be any "nominated by the mods" stage anyway, some input from the House of Lords. Why not have it as sufficient to be ...

So what happened to this idea then?

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Slight tweak to that section.

Ros, I think a lack of concentration says more about you, or about stuff, than it does a 400 year poetic tradition...


B.

What? Lucidity is an everyday conversation for me. You obviously don't socialise with teachers enough

B.

David, thank you. You know, the ideal title for this, just struck me, is the Japanese expression used when leave taking: 行ってきます - Ittekimasu - which means literally to go and then return. Perfect here for its irony, I think. But of course, being an English language poem, it's much too obscure. Think...

I see an old vase, a wedding gift, being used as a makeshift plant pot that eventually gives forth fresh fruit. And the speaker is using the memories and experiences of the painful dissolution of that marriage, to bring their new life to fruition. I may be wrong, but I'm enjoying that read very much...