Poetry Forum

Much enjoyed Celeb. Well done!

Many congrats.

Cheers,

Tristan

Hi John, I love this poem, not in least part I suspect because I grew up with Mississippi John Hurt being played by my dad, who was a huge fan, and ‘Stack O'Lee’ and ‘Pallet on the Floor’ are two classics by him. And this is so true A light shines out through every chord. All the books on my shelves...

Many thanks Phil and John. Really glad you enjoyed. Of course, it was a matter of pure luck this poem being selected for publication for this edition of Tentacular, as they had an algorithm choose the poem at random and that’s the reason this issue is called RANDOM. I really like the idea - a move a...

Hi John,

I read this poem last week when Fliss posted up a link to it on Twitter. As I said then, a lovely poem and well deserved publication.

Much enjoyed.

Many congrats.

Cheers,

Tristan

Many congrats Phil. Much enjoyed both.

Cheers,

Tristan

Many congrats Celeb. Enjoyed the ending. It chimed well with the Journal’s mission.

Cheers,

Tristan

Many congrats to Fliss for getting the lead poem in February’s edition of Snakeskin with a great picture on the cover to complement it. Excellent poem. I have some shorts in there too and David has a poem too (many congrats David if you are out there. Enjoyed!). http://www.snakeskinpoetry.co.uk Chee...

Hi John,

I wasn’t familiar with the story line of this opera (but of course have heard it), but enjoyed the poem. My only nit would be the three ‘hes’ in stanza two. They grated a little.

Cheers,

Tristan

Hi Fliss,

Much enjoyed. I did stumble on ‘islette‘ - didn’t see your note at the bottom. It felt a little like it was there for the rhyme with ‘set’, but I’m no expert in these types of things.

An excellent poem though.

Cheers,

Tristan

Hi Namyn, Your poem moves along nicely and the end rhymes seem natural to me. I thought the first line of the stanza 4 was a little overdone with ‘twinkling glints of light’. Magic, witchcraft, tricks of sorcery! Who cares what was I play! (The phrasing of this line doesn’t seem right) She made me b...

Thanks John and Namyh. Pleased you like this short.

Thanks for reading.

Cheers,

Tristan

Hi Kris,

For me this is a statement poem, which is fine. I agree with the sentiment, though I know statement poems aren’t really that fashionable at present, which I suppose the poem is partly about.

Thanks for sharing.

Cheers,

Tristan

Hi John, Enjoyed the read. I agree with Mac about the pea line. A great line. I really like the opening stanza, but initially found the second stanza a bit of a leap from the first, but it made good sense on a second read, so I suspect this was just my poor reading skills. Enjoyed the final stanza t...

Hi Phil,

Pleased you like the concept. Don’t know how that question mark got there. It wasn’t meant to be there. Thanks for pointing out.

Cheers,

Tristan

Lovely photo and poem Phil. Really enjoyed. One of your best collaborations I’d say. Enjoyed Rays poem too. I remember ‘Stella’ being posted here a while back. Brought a smile to my face again.

Many congrats both.

Cheers,

Tristan

3am
our cat
sees our duvet move
tries to bite
through
I twitch
he claws

we can’t be hurt

Morning John, This is one of my favourites of yours. It’s dense with meaning, unexpected links in time and place and certainly travels. I love the ‘basso continuo’ and ‘the rush of birds that knots and unknots’ - perfect. Love the first line of the final stanza and the ending - excellent. I hope oth...

Hi John, I like the ending very much but found a couple of lines a little cliched, which may not matter as they could be part of the voice. I’ve highlight then in red below. Back a ways, I posted this one to no comment. I've added a couple of stanzas at the end. :) Stations of the Cross The birds we...

Hi John,

On my first pass, it reads really as normal. Much enjoyed. Will say more later, when I come in from our Boxing Day walk.

Cheers,

Tristan

Morning John,

Enjoyed. The only thing I’m not sure about is the repetition of ‘no water’. It stands out in such a short poem. Maybe it helps build that sense of its/the absence. Overall, thinks the poem works well.

Merry Christmas!

Cheers,

Tristan

I think ‘with more grieving still to be done’ would make a good final line. Your final line at present is clearly implied by the rest of the poem.

Maybe this: ‘And more grieving is still to be done’.

Cheers,

Tristan

Hi John, I too enjoyed those same lines as Phil. They reminded me of Borges. I like the idea that knowledge is addictive and we can’t stop drinking it once we start, and that it eventually clouds our mind like alcohol - very nice. I really like the tension in that final paradox. I think the heart of...

Nice poem John. Thoroughly enjoyed. Really like the ending, and ‘debonair’ made me smile.

Cheers,

Tristan

Maybe instead of saying ‘Love is all about the pain’ (which I find a little trite to be honest), end on something like ‘And people say Grief is about death.’. There are so many interesting directions you could take the ending of this poem. I would definitely get rid of the penultimate line though, a...

Much enjoyed John. My only suggestion would be to delete ‘impossible’ from line 5. It’s not needed.

Cheers,

Tristan