Poetry Forum

That's her first album, the one that David Crosby produced. Her early music is on that album. Many of the songs sound contrived, but usually still beautiful (couldn't she write anything that wasn't beautiful?), but she hadn't started writing her most personal music yet. Cactus Tree was the first ver...

Oh, I've listened to Dionne sing that song many times.

Here is Cactus Tree. This was one of the first songs Joni wrote in which she started to delve into her issues in a very personal way. She is the woman in the song.

If that's Naomi and Wynonna together, it must have been a long time ago. I assume Wynonna is in the aqua blouse, but she doesn't look like Wynonna to me. The truth be told, I only know Wynonna from the song I posted above. I love that song, so I've been listening to different "covers" of i...

What happened to your poem, Tony? I wrote a critique.

Thank you, John. I appreciate the detailed critique! I do feel that poems about world-changing events can have some cliches in them and even be a little predictable. I will look at all of your suggestions, although this poem is now out of date. I'll keep "sand" if I decide to keep "un...

I did know that the first characters were from the Bible, and Prospero was from Shakespeare, but that was all I knew. Now, if Society's religions were based on the Archie comics or the Superman comics, or on the writing of various diet doctors, I'd be able to reference the classics in all of my poems.

"People's Parties" is a great song, and one of my favorites too. She gets really honest in that song. Another song in which she got really honest was "Cactus Tree". That was on her first album, but it sounds like she could have written it five years later. She had noticed that a ...

My first impression: I like it. It's a poem that breaths, that is accessible, that feels comfortable, that feels somehow profound. I know of all these characters, but I don't know their stories -- once again, a sad result of my ignorance of the classics. I think this is a good one. Later, when I get...

John, I suspect you will like this thread. Like you, I spend a lot of time on YouTube, and it is astonishing how much good music I missed when I was young. Not just songs, but performers. I did have one of Jennifer Warnes' albums when I was young, but never bought more (probably because of the cost)...

Requiem For the men, women and children who lost their lives in a terrorist bombing in Oklahoma City One hundred and sixty-eight are gone, for no known reason, ripped away from the succor of the world, from the gaze of friends, from the hustle and the bustle, and the quietude of mothers’ arms. And ...

This is a very appealing poem. The rhythms and words are lovely. I'll need to read it a few more times to fully grasp what you are saying, although it doesn't seem too complicated.

Perhaps because the eyes are askew, the face is a little frightening, as if the person were possibly crazy. However, the mottled color of the skin imbues the face with character. It's certainly a well worn face. If you had lowered the higher of the two eyes (the right eye? the left eye? -- what do w...

I think the reason the mentally ill will never have their Stonewall moment is for the same reason that chronic back sufferers will never march down Fifth Avenue for their rights: our maladies preempt such efforts. I think the poem is a little too plain-spoken. It needs more lyricism, in my view. I'm...

Yes, that's a good poem. It doesn't strain my synapses overmuch. Congratulations.

John, I wasn't thinking about this poem in the context of your manuscript. I should have considered that.

Please note that I just reread a thread from 2022 and discovered that I inadvertently snubbed you. Please read the PM I just sent you about the incident.

I'm on my way to bed, but just want to say I like it. If this were mine, I'd keep working on it to see what images I could come up with for the stanzas, possibly increasing their number. I've been listening to Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah" lately, and man, I love the images he came up with ...

we must go through the night to arrive at day. The nightingale sings only at night, the lark at dawn. Now that's gorgeous, John, totally gorgeous. Once again, my lack of knowledge about the world is tripping me up. If I had known that nightingale's sing at night, and larks sing during the day, I co...

Sorry, John. I kept meaning to comment. But then you told me that you sometimes find me annoying (though not offensive), and I decided that maybe I should cut my losses and not comment on your poems that I don't fully understand. That used to be my standard rule: Comment only on the poems I understa...

Thanks, John. That's helpful.

Frost always liked to use the plainest language possible, and that stuck with me; but sometimes the plainest language isn't very poetic.

Phil, I just noticed your comment suggesting "orchids" -- sorry that I didn't notice it before. Yes, "flowers" is almost too generic for a poem. I'll consider "orchids" and I'll also look into some other flower names. I'm thinking about simplifying the language of the e...

camus wrote: ↑

Thu Mar 07, 2024 11:25 pm

This is probably the first poem that I've read of yours that has actually used some poetic devices. It's a poem!

It has metaphors and everything...

Good work, crap title.

Cheers
Kris

I'm sorry that you find so many of my poems disappointing.

Well, I'm sorry that my knowledge of religion and the classics in general is so wanting. I've been thinking about this. While Alicia Stallings (and apparently you too) was reading the classics, I was escaping from my life by reading comics. It put me at a disadvantage both as a writer and a reader.

I revisited this poem and made changes. I found a rhyme for the final line (mend/friend). That had been driving me crazy ever since I wrote the poem.

It's surprising to me how just the passage of time can give me perspective on a poem.

The problem with the 200 pages line is, first, that some people won't know what the Bhagavad-Gītā is (like me -- I had to look it up); but secondly, the line just isn't written in a poetic way. It's as if you jump from poetry to prose for that one line. So, don't remove it, just make it more lyrical...

This is a good poem, a cut above some of the poems that you have posted recently. I would have commented sooner, but I was getting a little weary of the religious themes. But right now, with a clear head, I definitely like it and feel that it makes an interesting point. This line ... [ over the cour...