Poetry Forum

Thank you both, apologies for not explaining the context for our cousins over the pond. Dominic Cummings was a corrupt aide at 10 Downing street who helped write the rules of lockdown. When it suited him he broke those rules by driving hundreds of miles to relatives in the north then drove to a cast...

Home huddled, like hermits lost in prayer, Quick eyed, cursing a cold, we stayed at home, Sneeze in public and strong men would stand and stare Distance two metres, and find a shopping aisle their own. Folk scuttled alone. Many had lost their nerve To breath the air their friends had tasted. On seei...

To improve on rhyme and metre I find reading aloud, and listening to, rhyming rhythmic verse helps. Try some R W Service or Hilaire Belloc or even John Betjeman. The next step I have found helpful, in improving my skill in writing rhyming rhythmic verse, is to write parody’s. So, for example A A Mil...

I will admit, my mistake due to eyesight, that I misread your first few lines three times before I got into your poem! I read ‘I thought stuff’ – maybe time to get new glasses! 😊 Having got the first two lines right I really like your work. Being British I would prefer ‘a program for processing’ as ...

No, not a typo, 'shite' in a British English colloquialism.

In WW1, and to a lesser extent WWII, people from the British Empire fought for the crown in great numbers.

I will take a look at your other comments in the morning.

Thanks

Hi Caleb,

You probably know my favourite saying,

growing old is compulsory,
growing up is not.

and that wonderful poem 'When I get old I shall wear purple'.

All the best

Francis

Yes, I dislike Facebook as well. But it can be very useful to get more visitors to a separate website. As to changing a word or two. As a poem gets better it is often just a word or two that makes the improvement, in my opinion. I totally agree with your implication that it is a matter of opinion an...

Thanks again, Caleb. Let me introduce myself. I am an oldie (59) and don't remember a time when I didn't write creatively. I love language and the games we can play with it. I am strongly influenced by Coleridge, RW Service, Kipling. Some of my poetry gets political expressing my distaste for the Gr...

Thanks for that Caleb.

To make it scan I need a two syllable adjective to precede 'life' - I guess I used 'precious' because, in WW1 at least, individual soldier's lives were not precious, merely expendable.

Your poem intrigues me. I would suggest some very small changes but it is easier to give you the whole thing rather than talking about line numbers etc. So here is your poem with the changes I suggest. I am here! I’m alive I learn I thrive More than my Mother, fare better than Father. Still it is th...

I liked the title so I was going to read it with a view to comment on it. Maybe the title could be inspiration for a piece. My proudest moment, in terms of removal of things, was when I had an advert turned down by a web site. I breed rare breed chickens and had a male for sale. 'The Sun' newspaper ...

I also like your poem, and may have some ideas about getting more participants on the site being a very new contributor. Firstly, the poem. I love the first few lines, the simplicity and the message of the poem. I wonder about some small adjustments. Here is how it would look with the small changes ...

Really useful comments, both. Thank you so much.

I see your reference point for 'torn' as in conventional birth. I need to look at that one certainly.

Anyway I will work with your notes in editing. Thank you.

What comes next Now my ex Is gone? Promises were made, Career delayed Babies born Caesarean torn. And now? It’s in that mirror that I see Wrinkled, flabby, fifty-three. And this is what he saw Why he rambled and wore Away my confidence and dignity And our vows of chastity For what? A stripling of ju...

thanks, macavity, so easy to miss.

I really like your poem. I have just been doing ‘The Raven’ by E A Poe and it has some similarities in rhyme and rhythm. On a persona level I still start lines of poetry with capital letters. You, like most on this site, do not. I suspect I am still old fashioned. I like your use of alliteration and...

Thank you all for your comments. Much appreciated.

'I forgot to say there is a typo in the last verse.' - I have failed to find it. Feel free to let me know the typo.

Thanks

Thank you all for your comments. V helpful indeed. I suppose I write from a personal perspective. I grew up with 'they fought so we could be free' as the justification for the killings in the world wars. I wonder whether it would improve things if I put inverted commas in line four? Anyway, thank yo...

So many possible references in this bit of writing. The title, for example, has a literal meaning and an idiomatic meaning. ‘The private sector’ can be derogatory in some more left wing circles or a mantra of faith of the political right. The use of ‘greed’ juxtaposed with ‘saved’ keeps the meaning ...

Simplicity can be used to explore great things. I felt the first three verses of your poem had more promise than the last. I know the title is ‘Lightweight’ but I presumed that referred to the lifting spirit rather than the message. Maybe it’s me, but I felt the first three verses took me into that ...

Thank you for that, I can see what you mean.

I have just written about a couple of the poems on the forum and iwll continue to write about ones that catch my eye.

All the best

f

thank you for that.
f

I was intrigued by your title as I used it for a poem recently to. In the UK we have ‘the tomb of the unknown soldier’. I do not know who Jim Rockford is or was. I love the metaphor of the caravan catching fire each night and the contrast in the opening stanza of hating the rain (I presume because o...

I like the repeated use of gerund in the opening stanzas. I was confused by ‘the pod’ and it took me a number of re-reads to get, what I think is the context. I am unsure of the use of the boy’s name. When I first read it the name distracted but then I felt it gave a personalisation. In retrospect I...

Background. In 2021 it transpired that a large number of BAME soldiers who fought with Britain in the first world war were not given war graves because of their ethnicity. You lost your precious life Fighting for our liberty You left your kids and wife Soldiers, so we could be free. You fought for h...