Poetry Forum

All I can say is this is a pretty stunning poem. I am swept away by it each time I read it. I wouldn't change a word.

I really like this, PPE. There's a nice subtle sensuality in S1 and an interesting development in S2, which keeps me engaged. I have a bit of a stumble with the final line of S3, the move from 'you' to 'she', unless there's a general comment here on N's relationship with women? The move to the pres...

Hi PPE, I like the first three stanzas, but I’m not sure about the fast forward to the present in stanza 4. I think if this were mine I might go for this as the 4th stanza. “Now, you’re a schoolteacher in Queens, but on my desert island you’re the fire of my wan signal to the passing ships of time ...

I found you in a folk-dance class confessed my instant attraction and you took my phone number A rabbi’s daughter become a dark Romani princess hungry for men. You called me out into the early spring night. I remember your laughter vibrating into our embrace. And you told me you wanted to live in a ...

Finally got to Rat King.

Very cool.

I am with you until the last line which I feel isn't up to the rest of the poem. It's a pleasing image, but lightweight compared to the poetry that leads up to it.

PPE

I know you are getting plenty of advice on this one, but I just had a thought: if you could somehow tie in the beginning with the end in the sense that you are flying into the reflection of that lost summer. No idea how you would add this, but it would really clinch it I think.

Just a thought.

PPE

It was suggested I turn this into a prose poem.

Whether it's prose or poem, I'm not sure, but I've revised it and quite enjoyed the experience.

Macavity wrote: ↑

Thu Sep 16, 2021 10:07 am

hold it like a telegraph,

Like that one. Evocative poem, heavy with authentic details that bring the reader into the experience.

to where our cinder block cabin sleeps.

Just a thought

Thanks Mac. I like your edit. I feel like it ends rather abruptly, so I wan to work on that.

This is a lovely poem written in gentle language which is easy to relate to, although I would probably relate a little better if I had ever gone fishing (my parents weren't the outdoorsy types). I looked up "trot line", and that helped. I think you've done a good job. You've managed to cr...

Your lake poems inspired me to write this. For some reason, I think because those memories are almost sacred to me, I've never written about those years I visited the lake cabin almost weekly (age 6-about 16) except obliquely in a poem about my father's death.

ver. 2 Gasoline and brackish water sloshes in the bottom of the battered aluminum boat lodged in the sands. Metal grinds against rock and pebbles as I push out the prow and jump into its awkward angle. At night, the lake is more a sound than a visible place, the growling outboard cancels out the lap...

Congrats and a question: is this "forthcoming"? I can find DREICH's page for ordering copies, but I see no season 3 listed.

I was able to read all the poems ecxcept "Need" in various places, but I'd like to see them on a printed page. I miss ink.

PPE

Just a few first impressions to start. I'm a little at sea with the meaning, but I think it has something to do with the difficulty of getting through the days or maybe with just getting on with life as a whole. Leaf, thanks for giving it a read. I think your summary is pretty accurate actually. I'...

Next steps rain down in feral words that hunt me where I hide inside ego’s weather, lightless interior land. A Styx of immediate nerves cuts me off from crossing and speaking aloud to be heard by the dead, the least remote of the living. Each time I disappear behind myself in a kind of dying and wak...

Leaf, I've not finished reading them all, but my favorites so far are Bite too (erotic), kneadin' you (frightening) and Lament of the Leaning Trees (just plain beautiful). All the lake poems struck a chord, though we didn't have swans. But I spent a lot of my happiest days at a Texas lake near where...

I'd have a reallly hard time eating this fella.....

First we need to decide who becomes an administrator. PPE, although I have a lot of respect for you, it's also true that you are a new member. But if you are gung-ho to do it, I would take a chance on turning the forum over to a you. As for me, I am four years older than you and have a lot of healt...

Sounds like a plan. That was my first question: what does the technical adminstrator do , besides implement updates? I understand about the name; I had talked a long time to a friend who knows IT and changing the name is like starting over. I think right now we are just talking about keeping the sit...

This is almost what I would call an epic, as far as that idea, an epic poem, can exist in today's world. Epic in the richness. It is a wonderful, almost Joycean, picture of a man and his mileu.

As an American, much escapes me, but there was plenty that translates well even for us colonials

If I had a wish for this poem, it would be that you replace "crash and die" as both the title and in the last line......with something else. It's such a jarring phrase comnpared with the gentleness of the rest of the poem. l.ine 8 puzzled me a bit; I think I know what you're saying. But th...

Since my name has come up: I want to stress that I do not have "IT skills". I spent 20 years teaching librarians to use various library softwares, but I've never managed a site, nor been an administrator of any site. That said, I do have time on miy hands and would be happy to take on anyt...

Hi PPE, Sorry I'm late to this! I'm reading rev. 3. I hadn't heard of the word 'Soledad', so I googled. I like it; and I like the translated Echo in S1 L1. You have some great imagery from the get-go and I like the sonics in the thunder too. S2 is trickier, but I appreciate the imagery here as well...

Yowza! That's some revision!! I'm going to need to spend a lot more time comparing the two versions. I like the simplicity of this new version, but you lost a lot. I especially miss the yellow tube for some reason. And the confusion; this version is much more a single point of view, where calmness p...

Hi PPE, This is the second poem I have read today where the revision has gone into demolition mode! Some readers/writers have a preference for contraction (l do for free verse). I do love your revised ending. I do miss the rain slap and those frogs🙃 Much prefer the original title. I like this, I pr...