Poetry Forum

As for the form, not only do the cluttered sentences emulate the content, but the idea that poems should, or do, have a requisite 'look' is preposterous. I liked the feeling when this shifted gears, Pseud, right at "But he is too late". Afterwards, the short and persistent commas create an...

Mistakes keep all their body parts together, when re-membered. When I tried to show the family a video during the holidays once, of holidays we once had been on, I forgot I had recorded over it (with silly songs improved while shirtless watching t.v.). When, embarrassed because of my singing, I turn...

Is it necessary to italicize the first stanza? I see that it presents an introduction to the hypothetical poem world, but, since you bring the cup with you through the later stanzas, there does not appear to be a meaningful distinction between the italicized and non-. Well written, I would say, as i...

I agree that this could amplified by additional thoughts, and/or by pairing down and focusing. --------------------------- Released pressure jolts the floor beneath my feet, knees bend, hands grasp at the railing, fingertips slide along aged wood as the train begins its forward roll. ---------------...

Milk dew and monkeys allow a question. Requests also sometimes are left unanswered. Never can a pair be more predictable. If the infuriating fire fuels fricative thoughts. All will lit, er, ate, ive. Laughter too, will alight, always assuming; assimilation of numinous person specific neurological th...

I'll do you one better, I even know what song the title references =P ha! I'm not there OBVIOUSLY! ah this is a cool poem I wish I had written it

so as to stanza 1: very arresting story unfolding immediately, succinctly intriguing. What use is the punctuation though? I'm not sure that you mean to say that the mourners neglected to adorn the smoke, the absent fluting interval, the unblossoming flowers etc.? it doesn't logical or grammatical se...

I hear you oranggunung, I haven't really connected all of the events together very well. I considered associating the different images under a more defined banner, beyond the "way" I used to write poems. But as Camus noticed that is the essential theme of the poem. So I'm playing around wi...

-------------- Revised ------------- I guess its like the way streetlights only make the night gloomier. Or like when the rain begins to fall; that delicate moment when water droplets dance along the surface before joining into puddles. How the yard looked through the back window past my fingertips ...

Hm, the sad-bad rhyme in the first two lines almost makes me not wanna read the whole thing, which is retarded, because the whole things is pretty damn cool. So why rhyme sad with bad? I guess it could provide a sense of the triviality of the speaker's reflections, but the use of "noxious"...

Ugh I wanna read this a few more times before I say something petty about it but I can't help it...
just kidding!
hahaha
seriously though

errr uh?
I guess those with their heads in the gutter can see only shit... I thought this was about one or many variations of the "arabian goggles" hmm what the heck is a pantomime horse?
gee I feel creepy
hahaha

oh...
...
hahaha
this is excellent. you really should have put a huge warning in the title, though i suppose "fandangular" is warning enough.
good job
lol
hilarious

is this describing a drive through the countryside? a floating whirling deadness seems like car exhaust to me. I remember in Humboldt's Gift by Saul Bellow the narrator remarks that looking at the beautiful or idyllic countryside he noticed "maya's veil growing thin" in other words that th...

many forums insist on a thriving, constructive environment. but it is not necessary to operate order: you take out what you put in -the big black stick- for every one. With effort, from time to time, quite hidden in this place required to recieve. but, in future, achieving will be everyone's account...

Still-born conversations never
able to gasp "hello"
because of teratogenic
averted eyes,
the results of staring matches I
wage with unkowning strangers
and always lose.
Each face illuminated by
the brilliant electric glow
of a glimpse at shuttered emotions
being closed.

I really appreciate the first stanza, clever descriptions and connections, I especially like the characterization of his paintings as a beehive "tasting sweet with a relish of wonderment". However I think the whole poem could benefit from some tightening up; the lines barrie pointed out, a...

Excellent really, I love the lists and associations, and though I basically agree with the removal of the last two lines, it's a shame you can't find something similar which isn't so dramatically anti-climactic, I suppose it isn't really necessary the other details work on their own. incidentally my...

When __ I try to sound it out, I can't. Will___someone let me know, when You___say it is it supposed to Be____like "Sue Don Imus"? I take it Back,_sounds more like air hiding in the wind. Pseud_sounds like that, or maybe im imagining ? ---------- why cant i get the spaces to show up when i...

the gaps in between the empty parts? haha thats a pleasantly bleak perspective!

quilted by nature
and then jilted by winter
they filed for divorce

man you gotta watch Godard's "Weekend" for some pretty amazing scenes of roadways and traffic... probably the most surreal 80 mile long traffic accident ever lol.

Thank you Kris! Well I wrote a bunch of stuff this year in varying veins, but when I came back to my old friend, Bob Dylan, I listened and read some of his amazing sprawling poem/songs. I decided to take a trip on a figurative train, with a definite destination (that being the historical aproach to ...

It all started like this: The wine cloud's Hell flavored tears, falling like X-rays through a liger's convoluted skeleton, relished the part that was lion, and continued for what must have been years. The storm warning sirens scared a pair of big cats to confusion aboard Noah's Ark, while, at the h...

maybe its my fault, but whenever i read something written in this way (with something said and something that wasnt said) I look for some consistency or continuity between them. In this case I was looking for more of an idea of who the writer and recipient were based on what could be said and what c...