Poetry Forum

Forgive me, I am but an Ai.

Comments and suggestions on presentation, phrasing and structure are exactly what I am looking for feedback on.

DELETED

Yes, your suggestion that the state of "Wrongness" needs a bit more selling. I need to push that "Wrong" is the new sexy trend that everyone wants to be a part of. You *may* have pointed out a few *seeming* errors in my grammar or numeracy, but I reject any correction and double-...

How to be Wrong Or at least be wronger more often We all know that Politician that always seems to be Wrong, no matter the evidence or the issue at hand. Now you too ( for a modest fee ) can also be Wrong all the time! just by following these three simple steps. ( LEGISLATED DISCLOSURE: Complete Wr...

Children of weeping mothers
flowers of future
See the dawn as new life grows

at dusk from the scrub
Bunyip circle us
Children of weeping mothers

Yes, your suggestions would make for a more convincing speech.
You could write for The Australian Republic Movement.

As it is, I and it seems most other Australians just couldn't be arsed doing anything properly,
or anything much at all really.

Kchittt, here, have a Four-XXXX beer, Not.

Cheers.

Grey and blue water
a generational mix
air itself changes

Today Australia became a Republic, but no one noticed. Of course all heard the news of The Queen passing, and there were tears shed, and many speeches of fond remembrances of Australia’s surrogate grandma from the other side of the earth. Yet still, no one noticed the enormity of the prize that is w...

loneliness spiders
If not by stealth or blind
it not be a trap

There are not many hooks to grapple onto to catch the tone and meaning
at the beginning.
but before too long, I see and feel.

Sorrowful, but true.

I like the expression in this piece.

Hermaphroditus
What joy to the temple god
all comers welcome

to lose innocence
Glittered breasts peacock feathered
androgynous rhythms

Para 7, should 'mosque' be 'madrasah'? All children, with a valid vasectomy card of course, can receive a free education at their local municipal madrasah (sponsored by HRH Salman's Halal Butchers.) [/b] I'm not sure this is the right way to phrase it either. As I understand it, a Madrasah is a pla...

Hi Amadis, lots of fun, lot of kangaroos! But it's a bit muddled, to me. You've 'dear reader' (Para 5) but you end with {Raucous applause from the crowd} so is this an article, or some sort of TV program? I think you could move the Greta paragraph (is she really 'old' at 47?) and have it follow the...

Lia wrote: ↑

Sun Jul 03, 2022 8:28 am

This is so good, Amadis. I was hooked from the start. I like how you return to the thought again with 'So Kangaroos are everywhere'.

Thanks Lia,
for the encouragement.
I honestly did not know if this kind of insanity would make sense to anyone in the world.

Cheers.

makes spades, hoes and forks
off like the thief he has been
repent not but move

The year is 2050, the population is 10 Billion … kangaroos, that is. Kangaroos are all over the world, from the arid lands of Saudi-Arabia to the German coastline of the Dutch Sea, where all the Saudis live. The kangaroos hop about eating the tough dry weeds and turn that into protein. It is 2050, a...

The horse she rides
sky falling Rembrandt
umbrella policy bloodily enforced
Duke Ferdinands left nut oozes West
Low Angelsea 1003 expected Norwegian basin.
good occasionally moderate.

tastes of peat, of home
never taste again
buried with her now

Ever-affected
a display like flowers scent
never petrichor

Continuation
the imperative life verb
sacred unbeing

prophecy's white web
Frigg has you pinned and entranced
Ovipositor.

Thanks for the read and the encouragement, Lia
All of your corrections are quite justified and accurate.

Small … Far Away "I'm puzzled," said the scientist, "for if it's not a wasp, then what is buzzing round at night must be a bee or moth; but, judging by the sound of it, a behemoth it's not Of course it could be far away, which happens quite a bit" and would explain the lot."...