Poetry Forum

It’s a shark

I cant help but feel this is every over exaggerated conversation regarding Trump. Poetry to me is finding an angle and exploring it. The is just a rant which has tried to be plugged into poetic form. Good luck with it, I understand the subject matter is appealing to many but to me you need to work o...

Thanks for your comments.

I have found it extremely difficult to replace pantomime however I do agree it was not quite right in this context.

The poem has been rewritten and the monotony of the rhyme has been broken at the apex as we change from our prime to our slow decline....

Hi Lil, Welcome to the forum. Where are you from? This poem is very simply set out and appealing. I like it’s format and the message it conveys. My only query is hearts getting sold. Doesn’t quite fit the poem. I like the image however the poem does not seem to be going in this direction. The poem d...

Thanks for sharing Ray. A realistic point in time where old beliefs face new dynamics.

I especially like how they agree to let him in but just not give him tea. Absurd.

Great topic and a courageous attempt to address it from a poetically neutral point of view.

Hi Lotus,

Me again!

Consider moving “in some other country somewhere” to below “nomads on the perrons”, and shifting the remaining lines down.

Not sure how that impacts on the visual form of the poem, but will make the poem read more smoothly.

Hi Lotus, I really like your style of poetry it is refreshing and unique. If I may offer some commentary, I would suggest to revisit the end of the poem. ”In some other country somewhere It could have been summer Or New Year’s Eve” The epitaph is so convoluted that it bores the listener to another p...

Hi Sleepy, I like this poem. It reads well and has some good elements. Refer to my critique below: Never you mind Interesting start, However does not develop whether we should mind as much as I’d like. The poem should revisit this theme near the end to close this loop. tickled tongues, talking throu...

Miles and Poet,

I agree I was playing with a format inspired by a poem here.

I have now rewritten to be a lost moment of desire. Still a bit clunky but matches the wording better in my opinion.

V1 Lingering in thoughts from my imagination stunned by the aroma of her scent I stand on the precipice of hesitation Struggling to overcome my fascination Her beautiful image filling this moment Lingering in thoughts from my imagination. Awaiting the signal, an indication eye contact, a gesture or ...

Thanks Miles, Yes I am but a spring chicken. So must then be a fantastic poet!! 🧐 I am at the phase where our parents are all passing away, so observing from a distance this time. However I did come close myself once or twice but obviously not from aging... Thanks for the commentary I have amended T...

V2 Father Time within life’s fabric Intertwined, always present to birth the divine. Lifts us up into our Prime, there with us whilst we climb. Reaching the apex he turns away slowly draining we trek the decline, closes his eyes and weaves his twine, squeezes our breath one final time. He marks the ...

Merry Christmas to you too David.

Eyes that sparkled
Teeth that smiled
a lively laugh
brightened every room.
A warm white coat
Comforted a child
Always there
by my side.
Mouth twisted open
Sucking her last breath
Now eternal nothingness
Resting in death.
Her ashes dispersed
Last year past
Though memories live on
As long as I last.

A carcophony
of catatonic cats
catapult
towards
Catastrophe.
Meow.

BJ
Although I have a cat I’m not really fond on cat poems. Unless of course it’s Dr Seuss. With that in mind it is with caution that I would recommend tackling this subject matter.

You did however inspire me to respond in kind!

Happy holidays and merry Christmas to those who celebrate it. Stay safe and enjoy yourselves.

Hi Mike,

I would like to see you expand this to a longer piece to challenge yourself bring multiple images together.

There’s a lot more that could be explored here.

As it stands it is a tad shy of developing the full image and message you intend.

An eggplant poem. Well I never! I like the squidgy reference very apt. Not a fan of eggplant myself so not the target audience. Not sure why you ask forgiveness in the poem. Is it for being pretentious? Potentially could expand the poem to reflect more of this aspect to provide the poem with more au...

As a space buff with so much opportunity for poetic exploration I struggle to overcome my expectations for this poem. Apologies It didn’t engage me. The moon and space offers so much opportunity, as do mechanical issues and failures. Try to evoke some more emotion or elicit some excitement. Really s...

Thanks all for comments. Love the feedback. This is a style I have not attempted before so am finding it challenging. I keep working on it. I have changed rhyme scheme in L3. JJ as much as I love gore as you do that is not the intent of this poem and very difficult to capture in this format. Maybe a...

Wonderful JJ.

As a kid I live in Switzerland and the Majestic Matterhorn was a regular sight when we went on our ski trips.

Beautiful.

Congratulations Ray!!!

Mike, I like the adjustment it reads a lot more easily (although unfortunately loses the added biblical reference.) The end still baffles me a little, I’d prefer something pointing more clearly to the meaning such as: “Pass heaven’s bridge Unaware that they were made in MY image” Also when you amend...

Thanks Jules for your comments I have adjusted the poem on reflection. I love cerebrate definitely incorporated that one into the poem.

Hi Not, Thanks for your review. What's the difference between the opening an closing couplets? I can't tell. the opening couplet is negative. The hunting wolves need to be eradicated/ controlled. Farmers complained about them and many thought the park would be safer without them. At the end the wolv...