Poetry Forum

rawhide into suede
now there’s a job even the
Blues Brothers baulk at

eventually
time and gravity will beat
anti-wrinkle cream

Nicely done, Kris.

It’s lots of fun to read and I can’t help thinking it was lots of fun to write.
I wonder if the “see above”, “see below” bits are references to something I should know, but don’t.

enjoyed

og

perfect baklava
a sweetmeat that will work on
so many levels

of home-made hummus
and men … kitchen drama and
a Greek tragedy

Hi Ros

I'll try harder to follow that rule in future.

You might be interested to know that I didn't add stuff, only removed duplicate lines and rearranged order.

Perhaps that makes it "found poetry".


og

Hi TS I think there’s an art to summarising poems/ideas/stories so briefly. I can’t say I’m familiar with the originals, but I find your summaries very pleasing. I suspect you’d write very good haiku, especially if you allowed yourself to depart from the strictures of a 5-7-5 format. Maybe you do, a...

Hi David I enjoyed this too. I’m afraid I can’t see the subtleties of the enjambment that Jackie mentioned, but I’ll keep looking. I sense some irregularity at the end ... I think I’d prefer a full stop after “heretofore”. However, if that change were made, the last “and” would be redundant (imho). ...

I like v3 too.

Nice one

og

I, probing with tongue
savour the exotic taste
of home-made hummus

Hi Richard I like the ideas at play here, but am still finding some awkwardness with the language in the revision. It seems a shame to have “shadow” as the title, only for the same word to appear in the first line. I don’t imagine you want to change the title again, but wondered whether “penumbra” m...

Are there any rules about cheating?




og

as the eye can see
but the fingers cannot touch
so the mouth may taste

A beautiful seasonal image, k-j.
Merry Christmas.


coyote prints in snow
trying to find the “up” side
in a lone wolf state

Hi Luke I’m coming to this rather late, so appreciate you may feel that all has been said and done already. I’ve read all the comments, so understand the intent of the author and the confusion of the readers. Reading this for the first (and second and third) times, S4 appears to be where the poem cl...

abominable …
your gifts, your family and
the Christmas weather

you might want a drink
better make it a softie
if you’re in Scotland

“Enough! Good stud work
should not be praised in rugby
internationals.”

waiting for the burn
after the bubbles abate …
tequila slammers

say the Tudors,
mockers of architecture,
rose to prominence

Hi Bren another interesting piece - a story in a story? When I looked up Matsuri, I was informed it was a solemn festival - your experience suggests otherwise! You seem coy at the end, uncertain to finish it as a poem or a journal. I'd be tempted to end at there is a great learning value inn sicknes...

Hi k-j I like the broken rhyme scheme here; it seems appropriate for the title. It adds a little more mystery to the piece. Not that I have a clear idea of what’s going on, but somehow that doesn’t feel important. S3 has me most confused, because I’m left uncertain regarding the narrator’s feelings ...

Hi Mic I really like the happiness this conveys. For me, the punctuation isn’t helping the flow. I don’t know why you would start a line with an ampersand and I don’t think you need one at the beginning of S2. As S1 is free of punctuation, I don’t understand why you have a semi-colon at the end of S...

falling rains of death
as October storms the streets
sycamores succumb

Hi Mac there's a wealth of story-telling in these little nuggets. I wonder if you have come across haibun? That allows a mixing of descriptive prose and haiku (not necessarily tethered to a rigid 5-7-5 form). While the classic setting for haiku and haibun is the natural world, contemporary writers c...