Poetry Forum

Like this? Church has the power to leave a wish. But let me ask God if he can listen. Church has the power to give a list. Church has the power to leave a wish, Of God and his disciples to make me see About the light and love to my wrist. So, when God is there, he makes you miss The drawing of angel...

Not sure how I can cram poetic devices into this poem or make less like an essay (even though it is) give me some advice please! the church can be a haunting, holy, surreal place. the hours the priests circle inside can be tiring. but let me ask: how do they handle heat inside? especially when ther...

By the way when you say it reads like a comic book, is that bad thing?

A while back I was feeling bad that your poems weren't getting more responses, but I don't know how to critique a poem about a cabaret performer who gets murdered. Certainly, murder is a topic that can be covered in a poem, but your treatment of it is overly dramatic and kind of childish. Most poet...

you said you would perform for us men. you: a showstopper hostess inside a lavish cabaret. we listen and watch you shake in that cocktail dress. you said you’d stop performing for us men at the cheap little place downtown where jazz heats up like smoldering fire, I wish you could take me out with th...

It's a movie, isn't it? I know the character from outtakes I have seen. But no, I don't go to movie houses because I hate crowds. I'm the type who tells the smokers to put out their cigarettes and joints, and who tells he talkers to shut up, and being a policeman makes it impossible to enjoy the mo...

Poet, I've noticed that your poems don't always receive responses, and I have been feeling bad about that. This poem provides us with at least one example of a possible reason. The poem is about a movie I never saw, so I can't really tell if the poem is good or not. I suspect that others may feel t...

A man of mystery and sex appeal patiently taps on glass waiting for his prostitute in a fancy mansion far from the English countryside on the Scottish border, let me give a toast he said Somewhere his boss just like M from 007 let’s him know he was doing a good job with saving the world from Mr. Blu...

Thanks PPE.

Oh, fearsome painting, what a torn soul you are. I believe you have envisioned many souls in stride. Your mind inside the painting is magnificent, In your shadow lies a man praying to his God. The swirling shadow: black and bent, it goes up! Why you might ask? Because it does not occur normally. Let...

Removed. Sorry.

Oh hello capricorn, I wrote a new version to this poem. Perhaps I will post it here for you to see.

A cute little piece here, love the snapshots on the realities of urban life. I do find that it goes on for too long, but still I think you could make it more powerful if it were shorter like a senryu.

Hi Poet, This reads more like prose than poetry. It would help to give it a good trim and perhaps write in a few stanzas. Hope this helps. Eira Really? Alright then, thanks for your insight to this piece. Can you show me examples of where to start when trimming this poem? I was doing it myself but ...

Anyone want to critique this?

We reside in a nation of thankless opinions and exorbitant snacks reliant on algorithms, surreptitious memories and very little else. Just off an A road, via an unfortunate bypass past haystacks, boneblacks and relentless cutbacks we forge on, on to a lesser truth. We are blind-sided, pigeon-headed...

. In the Park a Pond Behind a chain-link fence and gate none of us had ever seen open, a songless autumn of grey leaf-light and old water. Even in summer. Even in that summer when whole fields died for want and the earth cracked like a scab it was autumn there; damp and deep enough to drown a child...

This is a really intriguing piece, I feel that you have to be careful when rhyming because you need to use meter and it's not a good idea to use crazy line breaks like these. Now when I read this I felt you have something to unearth and the way it is written I feel you could make it longer. Perhaps ...

Thank you, Poet. That's very nice of you to say. The poem went unfinished for thirty years because I didn't have the insight into myself to complete it. I did a lot of crying while I wrote this poem. However, I'm still concerned about the cliches, especially in the final strophe. All throughout the...

Namyh wrote: ↑

Fri May 14, 2021 11:43 am

Poet - There always seems to be that inescapable human gap between what we say, what we think and what we do. I liked this. Namyh

Thanks Namyh. Do you have anything constructive to say about the poem though?

I read most of it and I think it is beautiful, a little too long but it is fine, I like the back and forth conversation even though the replier doesn't really say much. Interesting.

I think you need to be careful not to rhyme for rhyme's sake. I notice that you do use off-rhymes, which is good -- off-rhymes are perfectly acceptable. But whether they are true rhymes or off-rhymes, it is important not to alter the meaning of the poem so that you can achieve a rhyme. Indeed, a po...

V3 Walking in open fields after she’d died all I could hear was the rain hitting my hood. The sound of drops multiplied when I entered the copse but now not as close. V2 Walking in open fields a little after she’d died all I could hear was the rain hitting my hood. On entering a wood the sound of d...

I think this poem is rather interesting, but it is too much telling and not enough showing, I also find that fruit of their loins is a really cliché phrase and should be replaced or omitted. I also find that this poem is based on a true story? Is that correct? I like the opening lines though, very d...

I am your patient and in need of help. You think it is wrong to chuckle at someone’s despair? Yet it seems like I am overreacting, why do I bother? One day I will repay my remarks about patients. I imagined I was in a cold room with you speaking about how I feel, by talking with the spirits flutteri...