Poetry Forum

Really love these, Tristan. I've always enjoyed reading Japanese forms but never really had a proper go at writing them. You and Cam have inspired me though and I've been writing a daily Haiku as a sort of diary of my daily walks. So, cheers for that!

I really like this one. I admire the unconstrained freedom with which it's written; I don't know whether this is an artifice or whether it's the way you naturally write... but I wish I could inject a bit of that into my own work. Pretty much perfect as it is, I reckon. One extremely minor typo I not...

I think the strength of this piece lies in the imagery of the 'muse beast'. For me, the final two verses are superfluous.

I's suggest a bit of a tidy in V2 and V3, perhaps get rid of the "ask me / ask you" lines and pull them together into a single verse?

Thanks,
nash

Very nicely done, Cameron. Nothing to add, perfect as it is.

I'd stick with the first line as the title, it always seems a bit odd to add a separate title to these short form poems.

Cheers,
nash.

Works for me, I like the brevity and it's a nice use of half rhymes. At first I felt I wanted a couple more syllables on the last line but I was wrong, that truncation is much better. Does it offer a sense of despair at the person's own condition, or is that just transference on my part? Thanks, nash.

Hello Jackie, A lovely piece, that break in V1/V2 is beautifully done! I find my thoughts pretty much mirroring Tristan's, so not much more to add. Although, the switching in perspective from second person to third person and back again - I cannot decide whether I like it or not. I suppose it adds t...

Hello Amadis, Good call on scrapping the first verse. I really like the rewrite, particularly the repetition in the second half. Personally, I'd like to see it with some of the adjectives removed from the beginning, eg: I think I remember: Lemon baked cheesecake Hot chips with vinegar Rolling on the...

An enjoyable read, Ray. I can almost smell the Old Holborn. I like the unwavering 'analogueness' running through the piece and I love the Seeger incident reference (double meaning of 'axe' there?) Not keen on 'some of their own stuff' in L1, sounds a bit clumsy to me. I initially thought of suggesti...

I could point out the spelling mistakes and the grammatical errors and the fact that some parts really don't seem to make a lot of sense To commit all those crimes and still produce a praiseworthy piece of work takes a special kind of talent; wouldn't you say, barrett? :D I wouldn't necessarily say...

This thread is about Poet's poem, and it is a vile and amateurish piece of trash. I think it should be deleted. You do him a disservice by praising it. In your opinion, of course. And I think you're sort of proving my point there, Perry. Just once, I'd love to write something that provoked so much ...

Barrett, this isn't enviable freedom of expression. It's just trash. Poet writes like a 14-year-old who got dumped by a girl. Now, now, Perry, calm down or you'll do yourself a mischief. You acted like this before when you were on this forum under the name Caleb Murdock (you're not the only one who...

Always difficult to offer a critique of your work because it breaks all the rules, and it's all the better for it. I could point out the spelling mistakes and the grammatical errors and the fact that some parts really don't seem to make a lot of sense but I won't because any corrections would just d...

And then "green as glass" -- what do the two have to do with each other? I'm confused, are you asking what green and glass have to do with each other? Apart from some old bottles being obviously green, which is what I imagine this poem is referencing, all glass is green. The glass in your...

Yes! Just checked The Rattlebag (always the first port of call). I see that Interruption to a Journey is one of his. I think I'm going to have to read some more of his now.

Barrett's Garret?

Love that poem, David, a new one for me. I don't think I've read much MacCaig before. That final verse is remarkable.

I like the idea of everyone having their own place to post their favourite poems, but how can one beat naming it Dave's Faves?

Lovely poem, Mac. I must admit that I haven't read a great deal of his. I know he has several in The Rattle Bag which I really like but I think they're probably the only ones I know.

This couplet of his has always stuck in my head:

Out in the dark, over the snow
the fallow fawns invisible go.

I don't see why a publisher would turn down an author just because he published on a personal blog. Most books of poetry contain pre-published works. You might be right but I think a lot of publishers make a distinction between pre-published poems (i.e. in a reputable lit mag, and then only as a pe...

I'm no expert but if you're hoping to earn any sort of money from poetry then I imagine you'd have a very long wait. Unless you become an Instagram poet, of course! You could start a blog of your poetry but you would need to put a huge amount of social media work in to get any sort of following. Als...

Love that title, David. It actually made Mrs. B ask what I was chuckling at.

I don't think this needs any changes does it? Great line break on S2 L3, it makes the reader pause along with you.

This line's perfect.

David wrote: ↑

Sun Jul 14, 2019 9:42 am

this unlooked-for epaulette,

Brilliant, really enjoyed it.

barrett.

I always think I should like Roy Harper more than I actually do. In fairness, I don't think I've really given him a fair crack of the whip though. I'll have to listen to some more of his I think.

Wow! This is an intense and impressive piece. I've read it through many times, I enjoy wilfully obscure poems, the sort of poems you can lose yourself in attempting to decipher them. There a few allusions I think may be there, but I'm not completely sure. The language is beautifully constructed, I l...

Hello Perry, On reading the poem I stumbled at that line about the workmen, thinking "Blimey, that doesn't come across well at all!", and I was going to suggest removing or softening that line to make it sound a little less pompous. Then I read the comments and I see that pomposity appears...

Works for me too, glad the parakeets have ceased to be! Definitely slide rather than slip, the long vowel is far more slidey.

I don't know either Morrison or Heym (although I might check on Heym - his name sounds vaguely familiar from somewhere). I only know Robertson and Clare of your poetry names - apart from Helen Ivory, of course, although I've not read any of her collections. You certainly describe it temptingly. And...

Thank you, JJ. You too!