Search found 2046 matches

by NotQuiteSure
Wed May 18, 2022 12:46 pm
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: Streetcake (1)
Replies: 6
Views: 63

Re: Streetcake (1)

Better memory than me mac, but if you say so then, you're welcome :)
by NotQuiteSure
Wed May 18, 2022 12:38 pm
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: Streetcake (1)
Replies: 6
Views: 63

Re: Streetcake (1)

Congrats mac,
such a nice ending.

Regards, Not

.
by NotQuiteSure
Wed May 18, 2022 12:35 pm
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: Ink, Sweat and Tears
Replies: 5
Views: 53

Re: Ink, Sweat and Tears

Congrats mac,
I rememer this. It's aged well!

Regards, Not

.
by NotQuiteSure
Wed May 18, 2022 10:50 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Hi Dad (rev 3 St1 L3/4 tweaked again)
Replies: 42
Views: 688

Re: Hi Dad (rev 3 tweaked)

Hi Eira. not too keen on 'cheery either though. Fair enough 12 syllables Oops, I hadn't been counting. Have come up with a solution though. :) You know what they say about pride, Eira? No, I still don't think it's there yet, lacks that 'conversational flow' the the rest has. I miss my confidant, the...
by NotQuiteSure
Mon May 16, 2022 1:10 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Hi Dad (rev 3 St1 L3/4 tweaked again)
Replies: 42
Views: 688

Re: Hi Dad (rev 3 tweaked)

Hi Eira, what on Earth are you doing down there? I'm going to have to put my foot down on riant - what with me being a hard taskmaster and all (no point in having a whip if you can't crack it!) - it worked well in Breathless , but it's out of place here. Cheery would do, and alliterate with the exce...
by NotQuiteSure
Sat May 14, 2022 10:29 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Hi Dad (rev 3 St1 L3/4 tweaked again)
Replies: 42
Views: 688

Re: Hi Dad (rev 3 tweaked)

I hope so Not- I'm tired! Lol! :wink: Just a lack of match fitness Eira, you've been slacking. I hope you've settled in at your new place, the welcome mat unrolled by friendly folk. I miss our heart to hearts, your grinning face when you recite another knock, knock joke. Better, but not quite, nano...
by NotQuiteSure
Fri May 13, 2022 10:35 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Hi Dad (rev 3 St1 L3/4 tweaked again)
Replies: 42
Views: 688

Re: Hi Dad (rev 3 tweaked)

Hi Eira, I think 'tight embrace' leads in the wrong direction. I miss our heart-to-heart's, watching your face as you wind up another knock-knock joke. Not a hundred percent on the 'as' (but this could just be me), wondered about 'that 'there's ...' ? Millimetres, Eira, millimetres! Regards, Not .
by NotQuiteSure
Wed May 11, 2022 12:04 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Hi Dad (rev 3 St1 L3/4 tweaked again)
Replies: 42
Views: 688

Re: Hi Dad (rev 3)

, Hi Eira, leaps and veritable bounds! Lia's already picked out S2/L1, but really the whole piece has gone up another rung, or two. I still think there's something better than (the simply descriptive) 'shoulder-shaking' (but most of all your almost risqué jokes but most of all your awful antique jok...
by NotQuiteSure
Fri May 06, 2022 11:12 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Hi Dad (rev 3 St1 L3/4 tweaked again)
Replies: 42
Views: 688

Re: Hi Dad (rev 2)

Hi Eira, the revision's an improvement, I think, but ... The 'and feel quite well' after the opening line seems like an interruption to the thought about the new place and the welcome mat. Do you really need it? An alternative might be along the lines of I hope you've settled in at your new place an...
by NotQuiteSure
Wed May 04, 2022 4:57 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Hi Dad (rev 3 St1 L3/4 tweaked again)
Replies: 42
Views: 688

Re: Hi Dad rev 1 (was Conversations)

Hi Eira, Oddly, I'm less sold on this today than yesterday, and I'm not sure that words like 'bittersweet' are working (especially with askew and frayed). It's the flow of it, I think, and too many parts feels rhyme driven (or should that be led?) But the potential! I hope you've settled in at your ...
by NotQuiteSure
Mon May 02, 2022 10:50 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Hi Dad (rev 3 St1 L3/4 tweaked again)
Replies: 42
Views: 688

Re: Conversations

Hi Eira. What ray said :) (especially the 'so' and 'meandering'.) Also, some news of Mum for she's been rushed away. I think you need a pause after 'mum'. As if you take a breath before delivering the bad news. Minor point, does one get 'rushed away' to a nursing home? Rushing implies an emergency, ...
by NotQuiteSure
Mon May 02, 2022 10:37 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Right-Arm Medium
Replies: 4
Views: 143

Re: Right-Arm Medium

Hi ray,
poem of two halves, for me. The first two stanzas (do you really need 'practice'?) don't do that much, but the rest works really well (though I kept on misreading 'metier' as 'meter'.) I particularly liked 'and the one that ... nobody gets'.

Over or around the stumps?

Regards, Not

.
by NotQuiteSure
Sun May 01, 2022 5:30 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Paper Snowflakes (rev 5 tweaked)
Replies: 31
Views: 1849

Re: Paper Snowflakes (rev 5 tweaked)

What she said.
by NotQuiteSure
Sat Apr 30, 2022 5:49 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Paper Snowflakes (rev 5 tweaked)
Replies: 31
Views: 1849

Re: Paper Snowflakes (rev 5 tweaked)

Hi Eira, like the tweak. If you could stand another ... open our sack of presents, the reindeer leaping across your shirt, our Boxing Day stroll together in Perry Hall Park and your avalanche of paper snowflakes. I feel a blizzard inside me … … and can’t forget how you turned to shuffle out, my high...
by NotQuiteSure
Thu Apr 28, 2022 3:44 pm
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: New Critique
Replies: 5
Views: 139

Re: New Critique

Seconded.
by NotQuiteSure
Thu Apr 28, 2022 3:43 pm
Forum: Ezines, Magazines and Publications
Topic: Ink Pantry
Replies: 5
Views: 110

Re: Ink Pantry

Congrats ray,
and in case I didn't say so at the time, Man out of Time is terrific, killer ending.

Regards, Not
by NotQuiteSure
Thu Apr 28, 2022 2:13 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Tea for Two
Replies: 31
Views: 708

Re: Tea for Two

Looks like the knackerman's just rolled up Well, there were reports of some ill-used duck(lings) so I was kind of obligated. If I left 'em they'd stink the place up in no time. I thought you said you had the vision of the gods? I certainly saw you coming. (I went for 'stirred' because it's a tea-ma...
by NotQuiteSure
Thu Apr 28, 2022 10:53 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Tea for Two
Replies: 31
Views: 708

Re: Tea for Two

Did you hear a wail just then, followed by a small whimper? Could have been a mutter for all I know. Anyway I thought you were having your hearing tested. I'm still not sure about that 'I fear' line. I'm not sure 'myself' is right. It feels like there should either be one syllable or three. As soon...
by NotQuiteSure
Wed Apr 27, 2022 12:17 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Tea for Two
Replies: 31
Views: 708

Re: Tea for Two

It would be like flogging a dead horse. Taking that risk ... I fear myself scattered beneath the bench 'scattered' seems a bit tame for 'fear' - 'shattered' ? Or even 'discarded'. captured in a dark fork by the beaks of swift builders, captured in a dark fork by the swift beaks of builders, - (I th...
by NotQuiteSure
Tue Apr 26, 2022 11:14 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Tea for Two
Replies: 31
Views: 708

Re: Tea for Two

We are at joyful loggerheads I'll not argue. ButI will point out that there comes a point where that may not be 'useful'. On the other hand, it tells us everything about the Potter. No turtle, I doesn't. That's an interesting interpretation, Not. I can see exactly what you mean, too. I see it that ...
by NotQuiteSure
Tue Apr 26, 2022 10:57 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Paper Snowflakes (rev 5 tweaked)
Replies: 31
Views: 1849

Re: Paper Snowflakes (rev 5)

Hi Eira, First. I got so many things crossed for you and your weekend I'm practically a contortionist. Second, inches, mere inches. It's just the final three verses. Something like ... We leave reception, masks on, clutching a card of you giggling in a Santa hat and covered with your scribbled kisse...
by NotQuiteSure
Mon Apr 25, 2022 5:16 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Underworld
Replies: 6
Views: 160

Re: Underworld

Hi ray. The 'squeeze of emphysema' is a real gem. (If that's Artificial Intelligence, it's had a lobotomy.) Perhaps a space between the first Underworld and the second? Seems to me one would take a deep breath before launching into the second part. Lines 7-9, that, that, that (a bit much, that?) Lin...
by NotQuiteSure
Mon Apr 25, 2022 2:20 pm
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Tea for Two
Replies: 31
Views: 708

Re: Tea for Two

Hi Lia. I think I'm overstaying my welcome on this one. We can only assume he's a good person by what we've been told. Maybe that's why you're wrestling with bridle?... Possibly, but one of the things we're told is 'bridle' - and I can't not see the negative connotations. Also, nothing we're told ma...
by NotQuiteSure
Sun Apr 24, 2022 11:37 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Tea for Two
Replies: 31
Views: 708

Re: Tea for Two

It seems to me that bridle is important. I'm trying to figure out why you're not keen. Firstly, the dictionary. bridle (n.) "headpiece of a horse's harness," used to govern and restrain the animal, Old English bridle "a bridle, a restraint," bridle (v.) "to control, dominat...
by NotQuiteSure
Sat Apr 23, 2022 11:30 am
Forum: Post-a-Poem (Experienced)
Topic: Tea for Two
Replies: 31
Views: 708

Re: Tea for Two

hmmm let's find a quote... Well, that's a let down. I thought it was a pottery specific term with which I was not familiar. I'd been wondering why it wasn't slip, or something similar. ...or they fear they will fall apart (their own failure). Except that it comes after 'lifting me down'. (Also, whi...