Poetry Forum

Yes, "car troubles" leaves the reader wondering about the kind of trouble this car brought. You could remove the speech marks but have you considered italics?

It's a slow burner, for sure, but a good one.

Best

JJ

What ridiculousness:
a riot of crows
murdering at sunset

Seventeen, approx;
Canada geese
landing in the duck pond

That goes for me too. Many thanks indeed to both Cam and Nicola.
I will definitely participate at the new site, once the mayhem of my my life has
calmed down. Don't ask.

Best

JJ

Now that's a haiku, mac. Nice one.

JJ

Impact winter over
sleigh bells thaw
reindeer stir

They're looking a bit small at this end, mac. The colours look good, as a first impression,
but the detail is difficult to make out. Good to see you painting, though.

Best

JJ

But in their own minds
they perceive nothing but air.
Eastern winds bring ruin

Hide microplastics
inside sea bream guts.
Smoke from the Barbie

I won't disappoint
my guarantee is my bond
Brooke Bond tea bags

. Hi poet, thanks for the read. Hi JJ, welcome back, and just in time! Yes, it's to do with slavery, statues and ... relieved that that's not hopelessly obscure. :) Regards, Not . Ah, good. I like it for its understated simplicity, something that invites the reader to pause and think. L4 Typo on 'i...

Is this anything to do with slavery, Not?

Just thinkin'.

JJ

Thank you for the kind comment, Lotus. Much appreciated. dear JJ Wonderful sounds here bicker on the banks and leas, ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~` and i truly enjoy how March might be movement as well as a month ...Delighted you liked. :) preparing for their March campaign. Lotus Thanks for the sage advi...

Hi Luke The sowing of wildflower seeds is a stark reminder for me. I'd sow them, only to pull them up later in the year, thinking they were weeds. Then I'd remember. :) A pleasant little haiku that could stand a nudge here and there. It's definitely worth pursuing, though. Enjoyed Best JJ We sow wil...

Hi Tony I very much enjoyed this tribute to John Keats and the modern take on love, life and death. I was also reminded of several paintings, particularly one by John William Waterhouse. That put me in mind of John J Williamson. :) Just kidding. You have some metrical anomalies that could be remedie...

Thank you very much, Jackie, and sorry for the late response.
I really enjoyed reading your impressions and also enjoyed
looking at the painting again through your eyes.

Thanks for that.

JJ

No, I think I need to learn how to read.

TrevorConway wrote: ↑

Sun May 03, 2020 11:16 am

You think that phrase needs a bit of revision?

JJ

I find myself agreeing with Tristan, Perry. The first three lines are a good hook in my opinion but it trails off into the mundane after that. It's a pleasant enough read and I wasn't bored, finding the questions interesting. I also wondered if you were going for some kind of meter. It seems to read...

Thanks for getting back to me, Not. . Hi JJ, beyond the technical I don't think this works that well. ...Ah well, fair enough. For me it falls down when I wonder what his mind perceives does not lead to any exploration/elaboration of this wondering. ...It's a simple thought, like the way I used to w...

Thanks a lot, Trevor, for dropping back in to look at the revision . Very nice, JJ - I like the brooders/suitors rhyme! And you've made the virus idea fit in a bit better, ...I hoped this extra stanza would provide a link from the romantic to the potentially tragic. I think, though I find "For&...

What a dilemma. I like both versions, Tony. The others have all made some fine comments, ones I found myself nodding to. I miss the coin/slot reference and agree about the mugging aspect. Some thoughts for your perusal: Revision Silently, slowly, ...Not bad but we all know the moon is silent and slo...

I can totally sympathise with the speaker, having experienced this first hand. A friend of mine once said "Don't worry, it'll pass" and it did. Hang in there if this is current. I wonder if I would have picked up on the content without your explanation. I think I would, given the reference...

I thought it was about looks and behaviour, the superficial versus the complex.
If so, I like it. It's one of those I'd enjoy reading and thinking about on a plane.

Best

JJ

I remember it, mac, and thoroughly enjoyed reading it again. Well done on this poem and the publication.

It's a beauty, mac, a real beauty.

JJ

Before I comment further, Anon, is this about the death of a much missed loved one? The reason I ask is because it struck me that way, and I have written several poems about crushing grief in the past. It's a tricky subject and very difficult to critique. If this is about love lost then Perry has of...