Poetry Forum

I take that blues train every day
But the fare don't come so cheap.
I take that blues train most every day,
But the fare don't come too cheap
Between the Blues Train and my woman,
I have to live here on the street.




Been a long time, Marten.... Too long.

Entertaining replies on this one, CMB. (Does no one know how to use a spell checker?) You certainly got a reaction. I was struck by the unintelligibilty of it all. I am hoping young Gavin isn't representing Australians - I seemed to see some reference there. Ah, but to your poem.... I was struck by....

Hey Anaisnais This is ambitious. You certainly put (your?) beliefs out there. I have a couple of suggestions: The first is a nit-pick. Try playing with the text editor and make the first letter of each line BOLD . I found the repeated first letter gets in the way of a simple read. The second is a pl...

Hi Richard I prefer the revised edition. Good imagery in both versions, but (dare I say it) crisper in the second. My only real criticism is the last line of the first stanza. The metre is not consistant with the other lines. (...or perhaps it is my accent which makes it so jarring!) Overall, a plea...

I agree with Richard about the imagery, but I love the last three lines. They were a pleasant surprise to this reader. It immediately took me to visions of the American adventists of the 1840's standing on their rooftops in white robes, waiting for the second coming of Christ. Any shared futile exer...

So sick of this vociferating
On th' trestle bridge over th' vale
I’m so sick of this vociferating
On th' bridge over th' vale
Screaming it out so vehemently
I’m waiting for you to inhale.

Thanks

Not sure how active I can be on the site but its a long time since the muse has whispered in my ear, and I'm hoping for a great year. Looking forward to seeing what everyone is doing.

Bit of a cheat really. The top was a mandolin and the next was a ukulele.

Nice to see you still around Geoff.

Gidday from Brisbane, Australia. Just dropped in to see who I can see. Been far too long really.

Have a great new year, everyone.

Gidday Lovely The constant tossing around of NIN "Hurt" lines made it somewhat unreadable for me. Great lyrics slashed (there's an irony for you). Bowie used to do the same sort of thing, but not with lines from well-known works. I must look up his sources. A good experiment in dadaism but...

Slurping tasty brains
can pass on kuru - so you
walk like a zombie

That woman ain't a patch on you, girl
But she helps me through the night
She ain't no patch on you
But she helps me through the lonesome night
She cooks and cleans for nothin', babe
And then turns out the light

Gidday Gardenhead I liked the simplicity of this. Reminded me of "Something in the Way" - Nirvana. I can't say I understand it yet, but I obviously need to look at some of your poetry for a hint. The imagery is curiously surprising as the chorus strikes. Technical question: are you using a...

Gidday Geoff The link was one of the better ones I've seen. It has a few references I'd not seen before. I omitted the one about the Burton who discovered the source of the Nile (Burton & Speke, I think), but very good all the same. Using it as a line in the song didn't (still doesn't) seem appr...

Love the clip. Ah, you can't beat the old formula of chucking in a 15 minute guitar solo of that standard. Saw Neil young recently and it was that in almost every song. Never tired of it. So I wonder what was in that "cigarette" Slash was smoking? I agree with your abhorence of losing all ...

Hey Beau, I commented on this almost a year ago and just got back to hear the piece being played. I like the sound generally, althought I'm with Marten about the maracas. But I find playing percussion to be such a foreign enterprise, it is better than I would have done, I'm sure. I don't know that t...

No recording yet, my laptop is a bit overloaded and is causing difficulties, so I might invest in another desktop dedicated to recording. I might do a really simple recording of it using a minidisk and see how that goes. My father was Wide Bay speedway champion. All his brothers rode as well. I used...

When she was six or seven Up in Charters Towers Her father read a story from the newspaper Some boys from down the south Made gunpowder in a jar They set themselves on fire while they played CHORUS 1 [and he said…] [tab][/tab]Never marry a Burton boy [tab][/tab]Never fire a loose cannon [tab][/tab]N...

We watch film on-line,
wading into pop corn and
sofacose staring.

Been playing a bit. Got a gig tomorrow, actually. I am involved with running a music venue called "Brisbane Unplugged" - or "The BUg". Not very unplugged in reality, but we put up acoustic-based music ranging from traditional folk to roots and blues. "Folk" is a wide ne...

Hi all, I've been in hiding for over a year. Thought I'd drop in and say "Hi". A lot of names I haven't seen before, but some of you old stagers still about. Makes me feel homesick. I might spend some time here again. I haven't written much over the past year. Have to see if I can still pu...

My matchstick pointin' at the rain
It ignores my soggy cigarette
Matchstick pointin' at the rain
Ignores my soggy cigarette
I'm just aching for long slow draw
And tear off this Nicorette



Hehe, this train going nowhere!

I can't complain about you baby
Though you never done me any good
I can't complain about you lady
Though you never done me any good
This time you supply the fire
And pretty mama, I'll supply the wood.

Gidday The rhythm and rhyme of this reminds me of Ian Dury (Hit me with your rhythm stick.) That's a good thing. Whatever you were on the night before, there should be more of it. I've had to temporarily leave Australia as the flocks of kangaroos keep landing on my roof. The mob of kangaroos in the ...

Bit of shock value in the lyrics Dan. I'm shocked!

Haven't had a chance to listen yet but I am looking foreward to it.

At first I thought you got your chronology wrong in the first couple of lines, but it all makes sense once the nature of the beast unfolds.

Keep writing