Poetry Forum

Thanks for the honest reponse, Nigel. There isn't much in the way of mechanics to look into and the metaphysics should be read more tongue-in-cheek. Like I said in an earlier post, it's just a light-hearted response to the idea of determinism , a thread that was started in Any Other Business by Thok...

Thanks beau - Can't help you with virgins I'm afraid, I dont know any.

cheers

Barrie

Only one suggestion here, Jimmy - I would say lose 'to sow their seed . I'm not going to say it's a bit of a cliche, but it is, and I have. the hatching ground that pulls them back to spawn, to round out life in stony writhing strings Again, good use of assonance and sprinkled with ryhmes. Good one ...

Thanks Kim & Tim. 'I made it so' am I the only sad puppy who was reminded of Captain Jean-Luc Picard? - Never saw it 'til you mentioned it - he always gave the instruction. Now that you have mentioned Picard, I can imagine the poem being a dialogue between him and Q. Next time you have a word wi...

I'm not sure what a "staunch" atheist is... - I think you are as aware of the meaning of staunch atheist as you are as to the meaning of semantics. Nothing I have said about determinism is inconsistent with the belief that there is no God. - I never disputed that, I said you sounded like ...

So I was wrong.......now I'm left with ek on my phrasis.

Ah well...

I quite like this - I like the form, but, showing ignorance, I don't recognize it. I take it that the 'potter' is really a poet and that the poem an exercise in ekphrasis(?). Then again, I could be wrong - it wouldn't be the first time. BTW - Welcome to PG, hope you find it helpful. Don't forget to ...

k-j wrote:Why doesn't new year have a character / personification?

- It always used to have - It had two: a white bearded old man carrying a scythe, representing the old year, accompanied by a crawling infant - the new year. I've not seen these two characters for years.

Happy New Year to everyone.

Barrie

Have you opened a bottle yet? Right, the poem. is frozen solid would be better replaced with freezes . Water seeps into the soil and freezes, Injuries that struck bone - throughout my life All life's bone-deep injuries - just a thought. ...and don't remind me how old I am again. nice one Barrie

I agree with Jimmy about at the end of his tether, but I think the articles in L3 are just fine.
It says a lot about the type of newspaper you read (it must surely be one from Yorkshire). I guess it means whatever the reader takes from it - a very surreal image.

Intriguing.

nice one

Barrie

Thanks Ben - I get some strange ideas, so it's not surprising when they don't strike chord - I blame God. Thanks David - Yes, I know the story, it's a good one, but the poem wasn't written with that in mind. The idea came from Thoke and his topic in Any Other Business on determinism - I'm more for i...

I'll see you tomorrow, I said. I'll be there, but you won't, came the retort. What makes you say that? I know everything, I made it so. If you're saying it's all preordained, then I'll prove you wrong. I knew you'd say that, so I moved you forward by a day. You never showed up. How do you know, you'...

Ben, for a staunch atheist you sound exactly like a member of the clergy. Ask one of them a difficult question and they'll answer, "Because God wills it" . In other words, it's pre-ordained and there's not a damn thing that eternity can do about it. The only difference is something that ca...

David wrote:I don't balk too much at puddles as a verb

- Neither do I, but reading -

December rain puddles, it sounds like a noun.

December rain
puddles crease and outfield. - Would make it clear straight away.

Barrie

Practically minimalist for you - I'd like to make it even shorter. with her thoughts contained within a cage: to thoughts caged - You could (maybe) remove with her (hair) . trippingly, high-heeled upon the stage, hair sheening, teeth gleaming, thoughts caged: my daughter my sister... I've not worke...

No mistaking the style, is there? I have three questions - Was it an actual person in fancy dress going to, or coming from some party over Christmas? Was it an actual apparition seen whilst you were driving? If you had been breathalized shortly after seeing the apparition, would you have been arrest...

Winter Asks for Middle & Leg, and Makes his Mark might be a better title. No, seriously, I quite like the title: it doesn't give away anything about the poem, but after reading it, it's a fine choice. I'm not too keen on the line break after puddles in V1. As it is, I read puddles as a noun ins...

Many thanks, Kim.

cheers - Barrie

Nice bit of silence just before the end - You've beaten EJ Thribb to this one.

I like it

Barrie

Thanks a lot Elph and Dante - Indeed - I wandered into a Woolies this morning and thought of this poem. Very sad to see staff stocking shelves knowing their jobs have gone. It was all summed up by the signs saying that the racking and shelving was also for sale - Everything Must Go was truer than tr...

Now, it might be because it's Christmas Day and I'm still feeling the effects of last night and this afternoon, but I found this to be a little convoluted and I struggled to follow the thread. It would be easier to follow if it was set out as prose. It doesn't work for me as a poem - It's seems to b...

A couple of suggestions concerning the sonics. Instead of drip in V1, leak might be a better option - the hard C sound goes with vampiric, ranks & canines . You could then use drips instead of drops in V2, L3, which leaves you an internal rhyme with tips from the end of V1 (just noticed the asso...

A quick visit. Just a little confusion in the second variation . on this still green grass without notice the first snow What do mean by still here? Do you mean not moving , or do you mean unchanged ? What do you mean by without notice ? Without being observed or unannounced? Unannounced, the first ...

I don't like horses,
never could eat a full one -
it just seems a waste.

Merry Christmas to everyone here....and merry everything else as well.

cheers

Barrie