Poetry Forum

Beautiful poems and pictures. Congratulations, Phil.

Jim

I wasn't sure if the narrator was you or a persona you took on when writing the poem. I wouldn't think it was the same poet who wrote this and that song about his lover's eyes. If you can identify the portions which indicate a chip on the speaker's shoulder, "He wasn’t the first. New acquaintan...

Hi Caleb, this is a sad poem and yet it's kind of funny. I think the narrator, who seems to have a chip on his shoulder, needs to learn how to spit.

I prefer the shorter version.

Jim

I prefer the earlier version in tercets, which give the poem a more conventional appearance. But I don't think there's much difference between it and the later version. Your free verse is fairly measured and your blank verse is fairly free. The poem becomes rather sententious toward the end. I like ...

Sorry to hear that, Fliss. I hope you recover soon.

Regards,
Jim

An enjoyable poem, Ray, vigorous and colloquial. The only suggestion I have is to add 'the' or 'his' before performance in the penultimate line.

Jim

Thank you, Fliss and John. I appreciate your taking the time to read this and comment on it.

Jim

Hi Caleb, I think this works better as a song than a poem.

Jim

Hi John, I like this poem. I enjoyed your meditation on that famous line. Do you know Richard Wilbur's ballade in which he uses the line as a refrain? "Duke, keep your coin. All men are born distraught, And will not for the world be satisfied. Whether we live in fact, or but in thought, We die ...

(second revision) Perhaps I'm traveling through heavy mountains in hard veins, as in an ore alone, and I'm so deep within I can't see far or to the end, for all has become near and all that's near has become stone. I still have no experience of sorrow, so this enormous darkness makes me small; but i...

Hi John, I think Wilbur, like Frost, has lodged a few where they won't soon be forgotten--at least by me. Yes, Caleb, "Digging for China" is by Wilbur. I copied and pasted it from an ebook, but I have his Collected Poems in hardback as well. In fact, it's in the same collection, Things of ...

Love Calls Us to the Things of This World ..... The eyes open to a cry of pulleys, And spirited from sleep, the astounded soul Hangs for a moment bodiless and simple As false dawn. ................... Outside the open window The morning air is all awash with angels. ..... Some are in bed-sheets, so...

Congratulations, John. It looks like an interesting book. I downloaded it and will read it.

Jim

Hi John, I enjoyed your poem and wondered if you were imitating Virgil's hexameters. This line seems like hexameter: the HEro is FAR from ITaly's SHORES / there's SNOW on the GROUND But other lines seem to have seven, eight, or perhaps even nine beats: and HIS comPANions COME to CARthage / LEAVE it ...

I enjoyed your poem, John. The ancient Greeks must have valued their soldiers more than they valued their poets. My favorite play by Aeschylus is Prometheus Bound (if it is by Aeschylus), and then there's Shelly's Prometheus Unbound, which I haven't yet been able to get through.

Jim

Yes, a lovely poem. Kudos, John.

Jim

Thank you, Fliss. I like chirping too and will keep it.

Jim

Hi Miles,

Thank you for the suggestion. You are right, chirping isn't really necessary. Bu if I cut it, the line would have only three beats:

a SPARrow, i CAME to a HALT

The line would then seem like trimeter to me.

Jim

Hi Not, thank you for coming back to look at this. I think 'as' functions like a conjunction in that line: it's like 'and yet' or 'but yet'. I was thinking about the changing season and the passage of time. Now I think it's time to say goodbye to this bird and let it fly away.

Regards,
Jim

Hi, Martin and JJ. I appreciate your taking the time read this and comment. Thank you!

Jim

Thanks Phil and Caleb. Yes, I plead guilty as charged: an inveterate tinkerer.

Thanks Phil, Caleb, Fliss, Ray, Not and JJ. I have posted a revision above.

Jim

Thanks, Ray. I thought about cutting it, but then felt I needed the modifier and wanted to fill out that line.

Jim

Hi Fliss, I appreciate your taking the time to read this. I am glad you like it. I understand your confusion about the seasons. Here where I live the maples trees hang on to their leaves until late November or early December. So it may not be winter officially, but it sure feels like it! I will cons...

Hi Phil, thank you for reading this and commenting. I always appreciate your thoughts.

Hi Caleb, thank you for reading and commenting. You are probably right about it being a cliche. As for the heard/bird rhyme, I think I prefer it to heard/words. But thank you for the suggestion!

Jim