Poetry Forum

This is part of a letter I have pm'd to David - but since there seems to be a back-lash going on, I am just editing this for public consumption. I am moving on, not unusal for me - I think things have got a bit out of hand lately with cause and effect and I feel that mods are sometimes part of the p...

No I am not Gavin! But I do echo Pauline's comment under the Sestina workshop. I have PM'd David and will miss some of you guys.

Sorry, time to leave this site - blame it on the mods - C/ p.s.who is Gavin

Thanks Ros, This is slightly tongue in cheek at those 'an evening with' tv shows. We adore but we don't really know who we adore? I was reading up on KB and there is really very little on the man, just the roles he has played, which are prolific and you wonder if he has become the role? Bedlam refer...

Sorry - I am leaving this site.

I don't know if you want comments or not to these poetic diary like thoughts? But the writing is beautiful and poignant. I am glad you are writing this Brian and I know it it not just for you but for all those who have a face but not the voice, I am sure you write for many.

just a thought on the title - adapt or die ?

I wonder if you need a, b, and c, as the list sort of works without. I think teen mothers should be singular or you need poastcardS, and sigular would be more effective. Yes, you need to be consistent re punctuation but for me a minor detail. I am intrigued by this, but maybe the problem is it needs...

I have never seen Toy Story so I had to simply accept as is without the reference. I thought the voice was a child's; a sort of - the moment the little girl finds ET in the cupboard. But then - but years from here - it started to lose interest for me as it became slightly cliche and worn. I do think...

Brian, I think this is very restrained considering you are out there; and at this time don't need other people's feel good (for them) comic book philosophizing or meaningless platitudes. Unfortunately brilliant people don't always have much of an imagination or empathy. What they need is to read thi...

Thanks Ben. You have decided me. I'll take the comments out and leave the poem to stand or fall and take it or leave it. I actually like the idea of oil and water feel - life very often is rather than a fine mix.. Yes, I did think about the rhyme scheme but decided it was probably imposing too much ...

Hi Mic, and thank you for the thoughts. Maybe I should call it the Weary Man, but if I haven't got that across then I may well have to keep editing until I do!

Thank you TF - when I am next passing through will definitely stop!

I personally do get the book out when I want to know something about the technical side. But I just use whatever anyone says with-what-ever works for me. I like metrical disucssions generally speaking, and maybe we should have a forum for that where people can agree or disagree. M didn't say anythin...

I would appreciate it if the technical aspects of poetry generally and the response goes to some other part of PG, or pin them to some notice board, where we can all throw darts at anything we disagree with or don't like , but it kind of sullies the poem when attached.

Hi M, good point about the bridge so changed - again! Not sure about a dour instead of the dour - as it suggests someone else rather than the him of the poem. Not sure I understood your "clash of interest"? Next time I will torture for longer!

Mr TF thank you,

Hi Raisin, I think you have already received feedback and perhaps also from your writers group? I do feel there is a good poem here trying to get out but some of the lines are weak and perhaps needs some stronger imagery. Nonchalance bothers me but only because you can't, the observer, know how they...

David thank you for looking. And M, yes you are right although when is A or a part of the stress or not? I sometimes use it to add and other times I ignore it to keep to the s. count. Anyway, I have rearranged the line. Well spotted the reference, and me's in case anyone asks is an ancient word for ...

Ben I am coming to this rather late, and probably what needs to be said has been said. I might be the only one who finds the first line a bit of a mouthful and probably because I don't say much most of the time, so the jaws ache at any effort. As for the last lines - well, I am a bit on the fence wi...

. Listen ears, have time to hear. A Muezzin from the east Summons the scattered sniffles. Hey you, cut across the hour Suspend the day from a bridge Sing the song Aurora sings Her loyal light leads the way . (The me's fall so far from me, Yet one by one wayward leaves Find new myths with which to p...

Hm, I actually thought this was very good. I like the careless rhyme which does hold the poem together. Just some minor nits from me - I'm learning to lean on the welfare estate: my buddies have crutches, we congregate AND spray on authentic public spaceS. The sweepers arrive before sleepers awake t...

I wonder about the title - as roofing suggests mending the roof? Is this what you had in mind? Just some suggestions to ignore as always! Roofing Since your mother died, the roof has leaked into the kitchen where your grandmother's tins catch in wet clarity the drips that plink in slow-motion time w...

I just posted a reply and clashed with Nash!

So a brief post - I think the title could stand on its own. It says so much. The first few lines seem too gentle for the subject matter? I thought of wall of water but then it wouldn't work with stars? Don't think you need the last line - see title!

I am not sure one line can sum up this terrible event and aftermath, but like Nash glad to find this here.

Brian this made me think of one of those shopping malls we have and they all look the same so you never know if you are in Reading, Basingstoke or Swindon! The experience is like a circus and yes, you long to fly off the escalators and land somewhere that doesn't look like Reading, Basingstoke or Sw...

The title made me smile, and the tongue in cheek humour! Quite impressive as sonnets go - interesting rhyme scheme. There are a lot of references in this and I have read other poems here lately just as obscure (in places) and obvious in others, I like the contrast. I don't know why but it made me th...