Poetry Forum

Well, I have 28 80-page MSS, two of them about God (or really madness). But I've been posting this complete MS. one poem at a time, hence the theme

Ah! Fair enough, probably my failing then. I shall approach them again, with this in mind.

Cheers
TS

I have to agree with Tony here. I don't see any anything poetical. In fact it's very similar to your last 5 poems.

Cheers
TS

Hey John, I have to say I do struggle a little with your dense imagery (no bad thing, struggle is good) and frequent output (perhaps not such a good thing) it's often hard to differentiate between your poems. It seems to be a theme here? People tend to write the same poem over and over again, just w...

A stranded vision, buoyant on deep green, transferring weight from blade to blade his effortless spirals cricking my neck following his perfecting form: Correcting angles, squaring hips centring the trunk he’s gone! Now I’m lost. He’s blended transcended become one shifted self eternal, internal alc...

Hey Caleb, This poem sounds like a prosaic rant to me, without much attention to the sound of the language or the structure of it. Yes, that's pretty much exactly what it is. An existential stream of consciousness rant. Thought I would let the freak flag fly, probably won't be doing it again in any ...

I have an essence that is unagreeable, my points of view seemingly mountainous, unconquerable. People are heedful to engage with me, their vacuous lives plunged into the abyss when addressing me. They are too normal, I am too normal too. Is that a Paradox or an Oxymoron? Or neither? I ask and I keep...

My favorite line: "Night falls as I drop the latch." I like the ending too.

Thanks John, sorry for the late reply!

I meant that in a good way, by the way. It's a great poem.

Yeah, no worries, taken in the way it was intended and thanks.

isn't what I normally get accused of in this forum

I've no idea?

But:

No one has breathed yet
Except the old gulping carp.

"No one" can't relate to the 'the old gulping carp' it's not possible. I think the 'Except' is the issue here. Maybe play around with that?

Cheers
TS

Love the intro: Early morning sun- light over the old canal. Ripples speak silence. Simple language into something deeper. "Ripples speak silence" what a great observation, yes they do. No one has breathed yet Except the old gulping carp. You wrongly personify the carp here. People are com...

I could chisel it over my timber hut in the woods to ward off bears and evil spirits

Hey, a poem of some actual use! Please do. Send me a photo.

Cheers
Ts

You tap at the door, fingernails
of ruddy iron. Sleet your chorus

rattling the taut leafed glass.
A bear outline, thickset in wool.

Irish hair for sure, sprung black.
Night falls as I drop the latch,

You darken my life, with your
magick smile and lucky heather.

Stranger, I think your comments verge on the insulting. Because I've found a writing style I'm comfortable with doesn't mean I'm not challenging myself. Whitman wrote all of his poetry in free verse, except the one he wrote about Lincoln. Calling my writing "shtick" is also insulting. You...

Interesting thoughts, Stranger. To me, the poem is funny (as in being ridiculous), but obviously not everyone sees it. I've never had any interest in the strictest forms. A villanelle is something I'll never write. It's hard enough for me to write in garden-variety meter and to rhyme every other li...

I'm looking for ways to make the poem more clever, humorous. The question is, does the poem work at all in its present form? Perhaps try and condense it? Put it into a well-known poetic form. Perhaps a villanelle? Repetition needs a reason to carry on...Be it form or reason. At present this poem se...

I read all the others first just to check they were Poets, writing poems in a poetical way. They seemed to be, but what did I know? My words where there on the page, but they didn’t seem real, like they couldn’t possibly have be born from me. But now I see; they have my eyes, my dress-sense my unrel...

A brave move I suppose, using a title so well associated with another poet! To me it's a very innocent view, almost chid-like, but refreshing non the less. I think the 'new day' is over-used, especially in relation to the powerful title, that should do some of the heavy lifting I think, doesn't requ...

I enjoyed the sentiment, the possibilities...

I think the poem was let down by unnecessary repetition?

'History' 'Pre-History' 'new as new-minted coins' 'thought of' 'thought'

It seems a mixture of visions not quite tightened up enough?

A good first draft though.

Cheers
TS

David,

Is the title a little nod to 'Gone Fishing'? I do hope so.

Hangs together really nicely, some wonderful subtle rhymes. That said I'll need to put this poem in context, so will check out your previous.

Cheers
TS

Tony,

It is what it it is but it sure aiyn't poetry

Ever heard of the cut-up technique? The Dadaists used it, Burroughs popularized, Bowie used it... To me that's what 'found' poetry is. I enjoy it, it's fun.

BUT if it isn't poetry to you, then it isn't. Each to their own.

Cheers
TS

Thanks guys. John, Yes I try to use 'oaf' as often as I can, a great word. Hey Caleb, Yes, it has in a way, been a long while! What I'm picking up is a commentary on the consumption that Christmas brings You are correct sir. But there is another element to it, to which I'll explain. Howdy David, Thi...

Just a casual bear swim That’s all Christmas tree possessions have been reported to the council’s exorcism department Bound to fall How to look like a bellend when receiving a platonic hug Don’t call Celebrate your pet with a handcrafted wooden carving Likes yellow mustard and Jethro Tull. My son’s ...

Hey Ray, Makes me wonder who these folky rebels really were? An Interesting delve into a certain scene. It's a tragic tale really, and you create that forlorn atmosphere of could have been contenders very well. Should encircled be encircling? I dunno, I'm rubbish with tenses, but it's written in pas...

Arise much later than the sun
despise everyone
go to bed after the moon
and so on…

Hi Perry,

I've now done the deed, see this post - [url]https://www.proleartthreat.co.uk/forum/viewtopic.php?f=15&t=24684[/url]

I'm also the stranger by the way! Just to confuse matters.

Cheers
Kris