Poetry Forum

hello gavin

corrr..I really like your word use, i dunno after the last screaming..i sorta got overloaded with images and perhaps because of that
maybe there could be two writes here?..of course, it is all so very subjective isn't it?

Anyways I liked

mes

hello lovely

A write, I think, full of love..
nice one
mes

hello Joy two moons

Thoroughly enjoyed this. So many good lines..in the wrong country with the wrong husband.. I agree some of the emotions are a little mixed up but at the same time..I guess they would be Didn't deter from the reading though..

warmly
mes x

hello Dante

As soon as I saw the title I knew this...You dealt with your subject tenderly and with thoughtfulness, some cracking lines.


That's how it made me feel

mes x

Hello Joy Two Moons :) Thanks for that considered reply..National Geographical it may be but it was my NG..total fantasy and yeah I guess I did go on a bit.. :lol: I like the two verses you have chosen and agree the other stuff was just surplus, but god I how enjoyed writing it.. again thanks mes x

hello P

Many thanks for that reply and yes...a bath whilst eating Mango sounds great to me!...But only in India..

thanks again
mes x

hello :) This caught me, you have captured the moment well..I thought the end line was good, you gave him two eyes in the last stanza though!..dunno what you are going to do there as saying 'his eye ignites' well that doesnt seem quite right does it?.. A strong read, one that I came back to a few ti...

Hello Dante

I like it ... I do understand what Suz means but to me the picture is now finished..

mes x

Hello Dante

I like it ... I do understand what Suz means but to me the picture is now finished..

mes x

ahhh I see Aru I buy my wine in boxes!!

mes x

hello Dante


I have read this a few times now and belive you have something rather special going on.

As said the first two stanzas are great, I got lost on the last two (cept for the grass line) ..but I am sure you will sort this out and look forward to reading again!

mes x

lots of good vibes coming your way Lovely..xx

hello :) I had great fun reading your lines. Somewhere in the back of my mind I remember my grandad using a big garden sieve to break up soil and calling it a riddle! Now I may have got the word wrong, but it gave extra meaning to your perforated line! I think Suz has got it right with her take on y...

oooo

Very nice, yet no curves would drive me potty!

I have no nits Aru. I thoroughly enjoyed your poem.

mes x

hiya firefly

I dunno if torture is the right word to use here firefly?.I know where you are coming from but I think it will throw the reader off track?..mind you having gone through all that nonsense perhaps torture is the right word

thanks
mes x

gosh Suz I almost missed this one

This has recieved comprehensive crit and I really enjoy reading a poem followed by all the different opinions!
unafraid of new lights hung on a hewn post..lovely.
so many good lines within.
I thought it glorious

many thanks

mes x

hello aru

a wish embryo is a lovely idea!

I have googled your tree and a wonderful sight it is too!

Please forgive this thicko, but is the casket, wine? I am afraid I got a little lost there.

But I do enjoy your words Aru

mes x

hello Suz

Very much enjoyed the imagery and the word restraint works well for me..but..if you expand you will have to be careful not to give too much away..(it was about work? Coughs, how dreary)

nice one

mes x

hello Aru

Thanks for that and yes, our own private space works well..gonna tinker with this somewhat.

Thanks for dropping by

mes x

hello

winks at Dante

Some nice lines within and as Dante has given quite a comprehensive crit, I cannot think of anymore to say except I think your idea on this is a good one and would love to see it revised..

looking forward to reading you again

mes x

hello

Many thanks on all the above crits and comments...I shall take this one back and have a rethink..

again thanks so much for taking time x

mes x

With nothing left to say we turn to private space, not much inbetween except a soiled heaviness. Sadness pulls shoulders, lights memories as loves dies. In a new day's tear full of emotion, bitten nails sting. The mind jumps never quite landing. Corners don't meet and angles appear skewed. The shape...

hello Ad

I really like the thought behind your write.

Powerful imagery, Aru has tightened your lines somewhat, maybe you can do a little tweaking of your words?.the use of the word awareness three times is a bit of a mouthful in so few lines.

All the same I did enjoy

mes x

hello Stephen

late in but wanted to add my h'penny worth! It has a certain something about it..Aru beat me to saying which was my one of my favourite lines, nice one sir

mes x

...ooo this IS a lively board...