Poetry Forum

Ahh I read the poem a few times before reading your comment about watching a play. Now it makes sense. I was trying to work out if 'The Father' was the narrator or... and the last stanza made me wonder if it was about someone beginning to decline with dementia or something similar. I think there's s...

Other than that there was just the Nobel Peace Prize, breaking the land speed record, becoming accredited as a professional necromancer... nothing big. Professional necromancer? Wow that's an achievement - are you able to make a living from that? ;) I had a look at your blog, I love that Feminine P...

Aww it's nice to be remembered :) Whither hast I wandered..... well.... went and did an MA in Creative writing (which was awesome, did lots of poetry translation, but also shattered my writing style lol) and at the moment I'm working to get accredited to facilitate poetry therapy. I'm on a mission t...

I really liked the writing in this, and the perspective it gives of looking up at the clouds. I think the beginning works really well for me, although ice-white feels a little clichéd and doesn’t feel as good as the rest of the poem. I think my main question comes from the names that are given, it f...

Hiya, Ros poked me and said I should come back, and I need some motivation to get writing, so here I am. It's good to see some familiar faces
xx

I liked the idea behind this a lot, and you have some great images in here. For me though I found the rhythm a little difficult. I feel you should maybe either go for the regular rhythm more strongly, or reduce it a lot.... at the moment it feels like its not sure what it wants to be.

Nicky
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Thanks for the thoughts on this everyone, I like the idea of making it less explicitly about the people, and will work on that
Brian - this is my standard at the moment lol
Nicky
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Evening folds around each fruit. I catch the one that falls, feel the curve of its mottled skin. Between breaths I wait for you, remember how your teeth pierced windfalls, remember you pucker-faced at their green unreadiness. When we kissed your lips were tart and tight. My mouth watered at the sour...

After the great success of the anthology in aid of Children in Need last year (which raised over £3000 so far), I'm helping pull together one in aid of Shelterbox. We had loads of PG people in the Children in Need book, and it would be lovely to have you all in it again. This time we're calling for ...

Thanks for the thoughts guys, I'll look at making it a bit more concrete - it's sposed to be about our inner voice, who we really are, but thats obviously not coming across clearly.
Ncky
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Hi Brian What are the other 5? This felt dark and disturbed to me, almost like a black comedy. I liked the language, and enjoyed reading it but it didn’t quite feel like the last 2 stanzas fitted really to me. The ‘fattest’ was ok, as they are gorging… but I’m not sure why the moon is buxom, or why ...

listen

as I tell you
it can’t be crushed

into a tiny box, left
on a shelf, forgotten

as it hums with static
let me show you

how it still clings
to your neck, choking

you with loving arms
as it crackles and fizzes

inside your skin,
waiting for its chance

to tell you this
and this and this

Suzanne I really enjoyed this, there are some gorgeous images in here and the language flows beautifully. I especially loved ‘orange- / rind peelings of sunshine,’ and I think the other concrete detail is working well too. For me it feels like there is a bit of an interruption before s5, it doesn’t ...

I've just had 2 poem accepted for The New Writer Magazine - woohoo!
Nicky
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I’ve found this really hard to crit. It brings up old prose/poetry debate yet again (but let’s not go there). I enjoyed reading this and really like the voice, it’s very believable, and really paints a picture. Although I know this almost stream of consciousness feel is very you, I do think it could...

Congrats - that's brilliant
Do we get to read them?
Nicky
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Hi Shi
Glad you made it here - welcome to PG
Nicky
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Clara, I really enjoyed this. There’s some beautiful language in here. Just a few nits from me… ‘brooding Healthcliff’ feels a little clichéd. You can possibly get away with it but I’m not sure. I’m not sure about S2 – with the grammar at the mo ‘A path; a house, a door and window, its walls are pai...

RL - thanks for the postive comments - it's appreciated.
Delph - those are all really good suggestions, thank you so much for taking the time to give it such a close reading. Again, its appreciated.
Nicky
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Thanks for your thoughts guys - this was a sonnet for Uni so wasn't very inspired - one to bin I think

You cradle baby leeks, slide them proudly from muddied arms to tabletop, watch them until they stop rocking. I slit skin, gush cold water over and over them, slice and sauté palm-sized potatoes and carrots – see hard edges soften and curl in the running yellow butter. Now I’m in the same kitchen, wr...

Hi John
I really like the last 3 stanzas of this - the first one with the onion has me mystified though I'm afraid - it just feels like a random addition. Is there a significance to it that I'm missing?
Nicky
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Here's my response to exercise 1: Beached The curl of the wave crashes onto the beach, drags me below the surface, the weight of water forcing me down. I curl myself around, unable to wave for help, collide with the seabed. Thrust legs downward, taste salt. And surface, gasping. This was surprisingl...

There's a Uni press report and a video of the launch here...
http://www.kent.ac.uk/news/homepagestor ... otion/2010

yes, I'll second that - Hip Hip Hooray!